FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Saturday, May 14, 2016

And another one bites the dust...

Comrades, the fix is in.

After last night, every Yankee fan in captivity must realize that the Fates are pissing on us, that we are the new Knicks fans, and that this nepotism-cursed, crony-run franchise won't win anything meaningful until OJ is free, Trump is in his second term, and Burnam Wood comes to Dunsinane Hill... and considering wide-load tie-ups on the NY State Thruway, good luck with that.

This season already feels like it's six months old.

Last winter, the Yankees offered us two rays of hope: Greg Bird and Luis Severino. Bird never even made it to Tampa. Last night, the second shoe dropped. Severino - 0-6 and horrible - walked off the mound holding his elbow. Wherever he is, Manny Banuelos must be flinching.

Later, the Upheaval Empire announced that Severino's elbow has only a mild strain and will not need Tommy John surgery, and that he will rest and maybe return soon, perhaps in a matter of weeks. It's all okay, everybody. Tokyo has been spared from Godzilla.

Of course, nobody believes a word they say.

If there is one given in the Yankiverse, it is that the Dolan Steinbrenner family sees no advantage in disclosing the true extent of injuries to the press and fans. Severino's MRI could have shown a Florida sinkhole; they'd say it was mosquito bite. Within this slow-motion Yankee collapse, credibility is an afterthought. That went out the door a long time ago.

Now we see why the Yankees have been fighting StubHub so bitterly: They rightfully see the secondary ticket market as their biggest nemesis in 2016. Come August, when even a Wild Card away slot looks like an impossible dream, those $500 fat cat tickets will be selling on StubHub for the price of a jelly doughnut. Those poor corporate bigwigs who still go to the games will have to sit next to barking street people, and not even John Oliver will give a damn about putting hipsters in the seats.

The fix is in, folks. The Redsocks are in first, the Mets own New York, it's barely mid-May and we are already down to stems and seeds... and the injuries are just beginning. What a sad time to be a Yankee fan.

5 comments:

Alphonso said...

And it is more than two full months until NFL training camps open.

Luckily, the NBA and the NHL are just getting started with their playoff things.

Hockey in June was always a dream for me. Once the round robin of 30 teams, each playing 7 game playoffs, comes to a conclusion, with some team from Arizona or Florida winning it all, the NHL training camps begin a week later with opening day again in August. Because it is in such high demand, the 335 game hockey season never actually rests.

So, if you like watching men skate and fight, it is all there. I have still never actually seen a goal. Just mayhem and a red light goes on. It is mesmerizing.

Don't forget the malaria olympics in revolution this August. Playing in uncompleted stadiums. Better than the Yankees.

Tom said...

This blog really needs a Like button. That was funny.

Anonymous said...

FLASHING NEWS BREAK!...THE METS NEED PITCHING!!! (NOT JUST US)....... .HARVEY IS MORE LIKE "DARK SHIT", INSTEAD OF "DARK KNIGHT", (GOTTA LOVE HIM STRUGGLING AFTER HIS "NUDE" SPREAD)..... THIS LOGAN VERRETT SUCKS, STEPHEN MATZ IS ALMOST AS FRAGILE AS JACOBY ELLSBURY, FAT CLEMMENZA COLON IS ALMOST 50 YEARS OLD, LEAVING DEGROM, AND THE INSANELY OVERRATED, BUT TALENTED, SYNDERGAARD...... I WISH ALL THESE MET PITCHERS PITCHED IN THE AMERICAN LEAGUE....THEY WOULD ALL GET THEIR CLOCKS CLEANED EVENTUALLY.

Anonymous said...

Such negativism ! As Donald Sutherland said in Kellu's Heros " no negative waves man". The games afoot.

Anonymous said...

Such negativism ! As Donald Sutherland said in Kelly's Heros " no negative waves man". The game's afoot.