Tuesday, May 31, 2016

When Tex goes down, it's time to go nuclear with juju

One of these days, Mark Teixeira will blast a line drive double to the gap in right-center, exactly where the defense has positioned their fielder, and as the Yankee 1B retreats to the dugout, he will seem to be staring at his Jumbotron portrait and .193 average. In fact, he won't be staring at anything. His neck will have turned to stone, like those gray scale men in Game of Thrones, and the 2016 Yankees will be heading into Overbay Overdrive.

We will be setting the Wayback to 2013, the season when Tex walloped 3 HRs and drove in 12 - precisely his current numbers. (He's batting 30 points higher than the .158 he managed that year.)

If you haven't successfully blotted it from memory, 2013 was the year of Lyle Overbay, a generally pleasant and over-achieving soul, who was plucked from the scrap heap and who turned in a serviceable season for a team going nowhere. Overbay hit 14 HRs and batted .240 - the kind of numbers that would rile us from Headleys or Jacobys, but with Overbay - hey, it was hard to get angry. (Also, he gave us some clutch hits along the way.)

Somewhere out there is the next Yankee Overbay, and my guess is that it's only a matter of time before Teixeira's neck issue demands a DL vacation. You don't mess around with neck issues, and they don't just magically go away.

Yesterday, the Yankees lost their backup 1B - Dustin Ackley - who wasn't hitting or fielding particularly well. Now, they're talking about the backup catcher, Austin Romine playing 1B. Of course, down in Scranton, Nick Swisher is surely taking his cellphone into the shower, fearful of missing the call. It would be a nice homecoming, Swisher returning to the place of his greatest triumphs. Folks will cheer like he's 29. But he's 36, and the knees are 80.

Listen: Desperate times call for desperate juju.

I say we empty the juju tank: We trade for Michael Pineda to Toronto for Jesus H. Montero, the lost savior, who is now playing 1B for the Buffalo Bisons. A straight-up deal, a karmic end to one of the greatest nothing trades in baseball history. And to those who would say we're giving up a major league starting pitcher for a Triple A firstbaseman, I say, just wait 'till Toronto gets a few starts from Pineda, and then let's see.

In his last 10 games, Montero is hitting .349 with 2 HRs. (For the season, he's hitting .306, with five.) He's 26. He's no longer eating ice cream sandwiches. He's eaten a lot of crow. If we have the choice of bringing back Swisher and/or Jesus, I'll take the guy 10 years younger. And it wouldn't bother me to see Pineda consistently enticing - and then disappointing - somebody else. We'll be in Overbay Overdrive, anyway.

11 comments:

Tom said...

worst starting pitcher in MLB. Not sure Toronto would take Pineda for Montero, but it's a happy thought to contemplate in the midst of '66 Redux: Once proud franchise whose prospects founder while veterans lose their once magic powers. (Thank you, John M. The comparison has taken root.)

John M said...

Is Tom Tresh available? He can play first.

Anonymous said...

ANOTHER NIGHT.....ANOTHER GAME OF 7 COMPLETE INNINGS, 3 HITS AND 0 RUNS.....OF COURSE BY GAMES END, WE GOT OUR MANDATORY 2 MEANINGLESS RUNS..... HEY BRIAN!...HAL!..JOE!...LISTEN UP!....... FORGET ABOUT PINEDA STINKING UP THE JOINT, FOR NOW!....HE ONLY PITCHES ONCE IN 5 DAYS....OUR HITTING STINKS UP THE JOINT EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN GAME!!!......... FORGET THE PITCHING!!!.....WE NEED SOME FUCKING HITTERS IN HERE!!!!!.....IN GAMES WE GET 4 RUNS, WE ARE 19-1 !!! ...BUT IT IS LIKE PULLING TEETH TO GET EVEN 1 RUN!......IT'S SICKENING, AND WORSE, IT'S BORING TO WATCH WHICH KILLS ATTENDANCE, AND TEAM LIKABILITY! .....DO I GOTTA FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU FUCK-UPS???!!! ..... GET TO WORK BITCHES!!!

Anonymous said...

This simply means that Alphonso was right, all along. The Yankees lost the Montero trade.

Buhner's Ghost said...

You've had Overbay...how about Olerud? John is enjoying retirement, cutting down his neighbors' trees to improve his view, and clamoring for a return to the Big Apple. Mustang has his cell phone number, too.

joe de pastry said...

I'm going to spend the rest of the season watching and rooting for the Cubs, the only thing standing between us and a Mutts-Red Sux World Series.

Anonymous said...

GOD FORBID A RED SOX, METS WORLD SERIES....GOD FORBID.

Anonymous said...

ANOTHER NIGHT!.....ANOTHER GAME!......9 INNINGS!....1 RUN!....6 BIG HITS!.....ANOTHER LOSS!...CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?????

Tom said...

mismanager joe girardi screwed it up as usual.

Alphonso said...

He just went down.

Anonymous said...

As bad as Pineda has been this year, they still didnt lose the Montero deal. Fool !