FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The worst Yankee decade in history?

As we stand on the bridge, here is Today's Official Yankee Comfort Thought: 

Cheer up, everybody! The Twins, Astros, Braves and Reds still have worse records than we do! 

Of course, three of those teams entered 2016 as tear-downs. The Reds and Braves were manically trading vets such as - hey, anybody want Aroldis Chapman? - for anyone under age 22. Only the bargain basement Astros seem to have flown off the rails, but they remain a work in progress. As for the Twins? What can you say? They're the embodiment of Phil Hughes.

But we - the mighty New York Baseball Yankees of Gotham! - remain baseball's marquee disappointment, the worst professional sports team that old money can buy. Our players are genetically coded to under-achieve or get hurt. Whenever a star gets hot - as A-Rod, CC and Ellsbury recently did - some law of random sequences requires them to tweak a gonad. In this decade, the Yankee way is: Stay cold or get injured.

And standing on the bridge, rest assured that it works! This period - from 2010 to 2020 - could be the most fruitless Yankee decade in history.

Yes, bridgers, the worst Yankee decade in history! 

Think about that. Even the wretched sixties and eighties - rotted as they were - offered glimpses of championship teams. But in our new billion dollar mausoleum, the modern Yankees chase only Wild Cards and tax-threshold payroll caps.

And now, that long-awaited collapse - the one Hal Steinbrenner, in his family's signature hubris, assured Yankee fans simply would not happen - looms on the horizon. A month from now, all that will be left will be the trade deadline. For the first time in this millennium, the Yankees could be selling off their antique livestock and looking to draft high in 2017. (Wait, does Cito Culver have a brother?)

It will be Hal's way of taking vengeance on the high-priced Yankee veterans, the ones he courted and signed. He can blame them for growing old and fragile. But in fact, the players will be rewarded - by moving to teams and organizations that are in the pennant race. Who knows? They might actually see what Mariano and Jeter were denied - the chance to finish their careers in a post-season game.

But while we hold our water on this bridge, here's Today's Official Yankee Sobering Thought: Our owner will not change. He might clean house in the dugout. The front office will stay the same. The monument to nepotism and cronyism that is the modern New York Yankees shall not be impinged by a measly trade deadline or unfortunate collapse into rubble.

Last in the AL East, the fifth worst team in baseball, old and slow... and a distinct feeling that the worst is yet to come.

Fuck it, everybody. I'm ready to jump.

10 comments:

John M said...

I keep checking on the games and reading the box scores for one simple reason: I want to see if they can be the worst Yankees team in modern history.

Ya gotta admit, we might have a shot.

Blind Robin said...

Yankee fans need their own version of the "terrible towel"!

cabish47 said...

The 1910's Yankees/ Highlanders were pretty bad, but not like the 1920's Redsocks after they sold off their championship caliber players. They had six consecutive seasons of under .400 ball and one of under .300.

Sad to say those days are long gone.

KD said...

If you do jump, duque, kindly take Pineda with you.

Alphonso said...

KD....But " we won the Pineda trade."

Don't you remember the hysterical attacks on my integrity over that one, earlier in the season?

Seasoned blog vets turned on me and claimed, " the evidence is in. We won the Pineda trade. C'mon, admit it. Apologize!!"

It is a good thing I can't recall who the attackers were.

I would have to pee on their legs.

Alphonso said...

Duque,

You are, per usual, correct. With one minor glitch, I fear; the Yankees will be sellers, but no one will buy the old dudes one might hope to sell.

They will buy only the young ones.

What a way to keep the Yankees in the sewer.

Try to sell A-Rod, Tex, Beltran ( maybe ), Sabathia, etc. and find that you have to pay others to take them......or not at all, which is worse.

They are like the negative interest paid to buyers of German bonds.

Anonymous said...

WE JUST BEAT THE WORLD CHAMPS 2 OUT OF 3....BOSTON 2 OUT OF 3....AND THE WHITE SOX 2 OUT OF 3............ I AM ALPHONSO'S PESSIMISTIC COUSIN, BUT NOW, WE ALL NEED AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT.......... I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING REAL HARD RINGO (pulp fiction).

Anonymous said...

They did introduce "The Tub", so that you will not drop any of your food, IF you go to the ersatz stadium, and can afford to buy anything.
As long as they can afford to re sign the two incompetents, Cashman and Girardi.
Signed.
the Alphonso fan (The other "anonymous")

joe de pastry said...

I will always root for the Yankees, so I do put the games on tv when I'm not watching playoff hockey, but I switch back and forth to MLB network or SNY [to root against the Mets]. When only the Bronx Bummers are on tv I mute the sound and read while glancing at the screen now and then. They don't deserve more of my time and attention than that.

Anonymous said...

IT'S AGGRAVATING, YET SAD, THAT ON MOST DAYS I WIND UP HAVING THE FUCKING MET GAME ON, PRAYING FOR THEM TO LOSE, EVEN WHILE THE YANKEE GAME IS STILL ON....(WE'RE SO BORING AND OFTEN LOSING)..........