Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Posted by el duque at 7:38 AM
Cheer up, everybody! The Twins, Astros, Braves and Reds still have worse records than we do!
Of course, three of those teams entered 2016 as tear-downs. The Reds and Braves were manically trading vets such as - hey, anybody want Aroldis Chapman? - for anyone under age 22. Only the bargain basement Astros seem to have flown off the rails, but they remain a work in progress. As for the Twins? What can you say? They're the embodiment of Phil Hughes.
But we - the mighty New York Baseball Yankees of Gotham! - remain baseball's marquee disappointment, the worst professional sports team that old money can buy. Our players are genetically coded to under-achieve or get hurt. Whenever a star gets hot - as A-Rod, CC and Ellsbury recently did - some law of random sequences requires them to tweak a gonad. In this decade, the Yankee way is: Stay cold or get injured.
And standing on the bridge, rest assured that it works! This period - from 2010 to 2020 - could be the most fruitless Yankee decade in history.
Yes, bridgers, the worst Yankee decade in history!
Think about that. Even the wretched sixties and eighties - rotted as they were - offered glimpses of championship teams. But in our new billion dollar mausoleum, the modern Yankees chase only Wild Cards and tax-threshold payroll caps.
And now, that long-awaited collapse - the one Hal Steinbrenner, in his family's signature hubris, assured Yankee fans simply would not happen - looms on the horizon. A month from now, all that will be left will be the trade deadline. For the first time in this millennium, the Yankees could be selling off their antique livestock and looking to draft high in 2017. (Wait, does Cito Culver have a brother?)
It will be Hal's way of taking vengeance on the high-priced Yankee veterans, the ones he courted and signed. He can blame them for growing old and fragile. But in fact, the players will be rewarded - by moving to teams and organizations that are in the pennant race. Who knows? They might actually see what Mariano and Jeter were denied - the chance to finish their careers in a post-season game.
But while we hold our water on this bridge, here's Today's Official Yankee Sobering Thought: Our owner will not change. He might clean house in the dugout. The front office will stay the same. The monument to nepotism and cronyism that is the modern New York Yankees shall not be impinged by a measly trade deadline or unfortunate collapse into rubble.
Last in the AL East, the fifth worst team in baseball, old and slow... and a distinct feeling that the worst is yet to come.
Fuck it, everybody. I'm ready to jump.