When the starters return, what happens to these lovable lug nuts?

You know how the National Weather Service now names snow storms? We're now experiencing Storm Xyler, with Yvette and Zachary still to come. 

I propose that the Yankees give similar titles to injuries, in this case giving them dog names. Thus, the year's first gonadal tweak - officially to Jacoby Ellsbury, who is always injured - was Accident Abe. Then, Didi Gregorius became Accident Buddy, Luis Severino Accident Chief, and so on. We're already at Accident Max (Clint Frazier) and could reach Zeke by June 1.

But what happens to the victims of Yankee rehabilitation, the no-names who have courageously outplayed their superstar inspirations. 

Yesterday, the Death Star released updates on the infamous injury blizzard, suggesting some returns are imminent.

For example, Ellsbury is expected back any minute now. As I speak, he is streaking across the Nebraska horizon in his rocket-powered wheelchair, en route to San Francisco, where he'll play CF and recite poety this afternoon. What happened? Simple: CBD oil! So let's cross Abby off the injury list, and enshrine him into the Yankee retirement hall of fame.

(Of course, Ellsbury will never play another down in pinstripes. And once again, let's remind ourselves that a bad contract is not the player's fault. The Yankees chose to bestow a seven-year deal unto an injury-plagued career, and Ellsbury simply was smart enough to take it.)

Supposedly, though, some are on the verge:

Giancarlo Stanton, out since game three, might rejoin the team Tuesday in Arizona. There goes Mike Ford, who hit the two-run blast against the Angels.  

Aaron Hicks, out since the opening of spring training, might play fake games this week. He could be back within - hmm? - two weeks? (There goes Clint Frazier, who might otherwise rejoin the team next weekend - except that Frazier was hitting too well to be demoted to Scranton, so it would probably exile Mike Tauchman... unless there is a logjam of Designated Hitters, in which case Tauchman would stay... assuming he can lift his average above .220 and - wow, it gets complicated.) 

Dellin Betances might start throwing this week, which means he's a few weeks away, and whomever he replaces should improve the bullpen, unless Dellin turns out to be the Bad Betances, in which case we will re-enact the plight of Hanging Chad Green, and have to watch him blow sizable leads. And speaking of Bad Chad, is he an injury or just a flop? 

Miguel Andujar might play in fake games this week. He's probably two weeks away. That means so long Gio Urshella, unless DJ LeMahieu's jammed ankle - see yesterday - forces him to miss time.

Greg Bird? Oh, why bother?

Troy Tulowitski? I'm tempted to say the same. Frankly, Gleyber Torres covers more ground and has done a fine job. Moreover, Tyler Wade brings speed to the offense, something the Yankees can use in close games, once we stop playing tomato cans. What does Tulo bring, aside from a bunch of hibernating tweaks, waiting to awaken?

Of course, Luis Severino - the one we needed most - remains down for the months of May and June. When a person goes missing that long, you have to assume that he or she may never be found.