Sunday, March 28, 2010

Yankee SuperProspect Christian Garcia Pondering Which Body Part to Injure in 2010

The scouts aren't the only people who love Yankee pitching phenom Christian Garcia: So do the doctors.

Garcia missed most of last year, and most of practically every year since signing with the Yankees back when George Bush seemed a one-term president.

We need this guy. Imagine the 2012 battery:

Christian pitching to Jesus.

Ha ha. Anyways, most recently, a scout for the prestigious AOL Funhouse watched Christian pitch and came away raving at how he made a monkey out of Jayson Werth. (Yes, the same Werth that we couldn't get out last October.)

As Jayson Werth learned on Wednesday, working out with the Phillies' Double-A squad, Garcia has the type of curveball that's close to unhittable even if you are expecting it in an 0-2 count. Werth struck out swinging twice against Garcia, both on breaking balls following high fastballs that he also swung through. His curveball grades out easily as a 7 pitch on the 2-8 scale.

Garcia has hurt practically every body part thus far, and there is little left for medical science to replace.

So what could Garcia hurt in 2010?

The spleen.
Gall bladder.
Hammerhead toes.
Mental.

We're thinking dementia would be the perfect career capper. It can't just be routine mental. He's gotta do show up wearing a cop uniform or something. If Garcia can do that, he can go down in baseball history as one of the greatest set of injuries ever to not play the game.

Anyways... let's hope he doesn't catch a cold.

2 comments:

Bye Bye Balboni said...

Do we have any pitchers named Judas in the farm system? Now THAT would be a battery I'd pay 30 pieces of silver to see.

Joe DePastry said...

Who came up with that stupid 2 to 8 scale? Why not 1 to 5, or 7 or 10?