Sunday, October 24, 2010

"Yankees Thoroughly Beaten By Rangers," Jeter Admits

In a candid first, Derek Jeter admitted yesterday on air, and for attribution, that the Rangers were better than the Yankees in every regard.

They hit more consistently, and with more power and timeliness.

They pitched better.

They ran the bases better.

They had more heart and energy.

They showed far better speed and defense.

They were healthier and more fit.

They were younger.

However, I will wager this;

Our clubhouse buffet was better.

We have more Cadillac Escalades in our team parking lot.

We pay the IRS more.

We have Joba and his "I have no idea what I'm going to do next," look.

We have Brian Cashman.

We may have Joe Girardi.


Anonymous said...

Jeter is a phony and a liar and can't be trusted.

Anonymous said...

He always seems to say the right thing. Maybe he's gonna run for office.

Elliott Spitzer said...

if jeter runs, he'll have the edge

Anonymous said...

I can see it now... "Here comes the presidential motorcade. The police motorcycles lead the way followed by secret service. And now we can see newly elected president Derek Jeter. Doesn't he look grand waving from the open sunroof of his copper colored Ford Edge?!"

Joe De Pastry said...

Well, with Jeter as Prez we'd at least have the best looking First Lady in history.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, just wait for those video clips of her cursing on Entourage to make it into the campaign ads.

The Captain said...

Anyone who speaks ill of my woman or of me should go post their anonymous comments on the Sons of Sam Horn

Anonymous said...

Captain... watch the Entourage episode and decide for yourself. Facts not opinions.

Joe De Pastry said...

But if Linda McMahon's video clips in the "soap opera" of WWE haven't stopped her why should Minka's video clips stop Jeter?

Anonymous said...

If Linda McMahon put on a wrestling costume (I think I just threw up in my mouth) then it would be a problem. As it is she's just another entertainment pimp making money off the schmucks that watch her product.
Minka on the other hand (Derek's to be precise) may find the roles she chooses to have a negative effect on Jeter's future if he goes into politics. Especially since he's maintained a squeaky clean image thus far.

Joe De Pastry said...

Linda McMahon didn't put on a wrestling costume, but she got in the ring and got physical with some of her employees, including kicking at least one of them in the balls on national tv. [The clips are on YouTube.]
I'm not saying that this acting performance disqualifies her for public office, I'm just comparing it to your comments about Minka's acting role.
Maybe this debate about a baseball player becoming president is stupid, but we've had an actor become president, a wrestler become a governor, and at least one singer and one comedian get elected to Congress.