With Laden out, al Qaeda may look to sign Kevin Millwood

By Peter al Gammansabi

Pakistan _ With al Qaeda's star player, O.B. Laden now on the permanent DL, scouts say the club must soon decide whether to sign a big name free agent or to ask an upcoming prospect to make the deal no youngster wants to make: trading his suicide vest for a robe and videocamera.

"They got nobody else," one scout says. "They got Mullah Omar, who hasn't got a hit in 10 years, and there's no reason to think his one batting eye still works."

That leaves the team exploring a free agent market currently dominated by two names: Moamar Qaddafi and Kevin Millwood. In recent weeks, both have suffered severe bombings.

"I know Qaddafi has been hammered a lot," the scout said. "But Millwood at Scranton -- whoa -- it was brutal. At least Qaddafi was playing at the major league level."

The scout conceded Millwood's advantage: Only one spelling of his name.

"It's critical," the scout said. "Durocher always said, 'I don't care what the sportswriters call me, as long as they spell the name right.' Wasn't that it? Or was it, 'as long as they don't call me late for supper?' Something like that. Have you seen Millwood? Nobody's gonna calling him late for supper."