Friday, August 24, 2012

Yankeetorial: Before we dump The Master, let's us ponder the truth squad that is Skip Bayless and ESPN

I get creeped out by Skip Bayless. I think he is a pedophile. It's the way he talks. Pedophilacky. Let me stress that I have no insider information about Skip. But the nickname - Skip, short for "Skippy." We know how pedophiles act. Look: I'm not saying he IS a pedophile. But what if he is? If he is, Bud Selig must act! If he is, good grief, we've got a pedophile on the airwaves! Where's the oversight? Where's the enforcement? We've got to do something. Not that I'm saying he is a pedophile. I'm just asking: What if he is?

This week, out of thin air - or bath salts - Bayless courageously opined that Derek Jeter uses performance enhancing drugs, because he's old and playing well. Of course, he covered himself. He stressed that he has no insider information. He was just talking. Bayless wanted to put himself on the Pulitzer shortlist for Breaking Speculation in Public Service. If he's wrong, well, he was exercising his First Amendment rights - and stirring the ESPN pot, which is his job.

OK, fine. Sports loudmouthing is a cherished tradition, back to the days of David and Goliath. Have at it, Skippy!

But maybe it's time for the John Sterling-bashers of the Yankiverse to ponder what happens when Thuuuuuuh Master gets shelved: ESPN picks up Yankee broadcast rights, which it has long coveted.

Thus, a 2013 Jeterian HR call could be -- A Jeeter Juicer! Whatever drug he's using, gimme some! And who knows, maybe it will come from Curt Schilling. Do we want a Yankee network with a Redsock tain? Remember: last winter, Bobby Valentine and Francona simply switched jobs. Some Yankee fans believe it's OK for every team in baseball to have a homer - except the Yankees.

Once upon a time, you were supposed to be innocent until proven guilty. We all know that's a joke. Today, any accusation automatically goes into the Google record, and once there, it never leaves. Of course, Skip Bayless knows this. All pedophiles do.

1 comment:

Buhner's Ghost said...

I've seen Bayless hanging out with Lance Armstrong. We all know what that means.