Monday, August 6, 2012

Yankeetorial: OK, all you AJ Burnett bashers, let's celebrate the magic that is Diego Moreno and Exicardo Cayones

AJ Burnett is killing for Pittsburgh. This weekend, he went 8 2/3 innings to beat Cinncinati, keeping the Pirates afloat in the race. He's 14 and 3. We're paying much of his salary. But cheer up, AJ critics: We didn't just trade him for refried beans. We got Diego Moreno and Exicardo Cayones. And because you were so happy about that trade - REMEMBER HOW DELIGHTED YOU WERE, HOW YOU SAID ANYTHING THAT RIDDED US OF AJ BURNETT WAS A GOOD DEAL? - let's check in with the lower scrubinnies and see how the Titantic Two are faring.
Diego Moreno, 26, a RH pitcher who when coming off the bus must resemble the profile of Bea "Maude" Arthur (6'1, 170 pounds) pitched most of last year in the Florida State League, making him one of the more seasoned veterans of Class A. Last year, Diego went 2-4 with a 3.21 ERA. And that's all we know. This year, he must be playing in some secret Yankee development league, or maybe he has undergone plastic surgery and taken on a new identity, or maybe he's one of those Latino guys who hangs around the pool, singing background folk songs with Zoey Deschanel, because there is no mention of him in the Yankee fossil record.

Exicardo Cayones, 20, alias "the Big Cayones," (6'1, 183) is a LH outfielder at Staten Island. He has one home run, 10 RBIs and a .191 batting average in 107 at bats. Earlier in the year, he was batting high in the order. These days, he bats seventh or eighth. If strikeouts were hits, he'd be soaring over the Mendoza Line. But - hey - he's young! Ya never know! Anything can happen! Can't predict baseball! Who's ta say? Might catch lightning in a bottle! Yesterday's prize is tomorrow's yard sale! That's why they call it kettlecorn! The secret is in the sauce, Dr. Pimento! Oo-gachaka, oo-gachaka...

We saved $4 million this year by dealing AJ. Correction: The owners saved $4 million this year by dealing AJ. The Yankees are valued at $2 billion. Basically, we took that $4 million and resigned Freddy Garcia.  Of course, we also have burned through a pile of minor league free agents - Maine, Figuroa, Ortiz, et al - and we're waiting to see if Ivan Nova has completely collapsed. AJ Burnett would have been our ace. His 14-3 is among the league's best. His 3.21 ERA belies the fact that in his third outing, May 3, he pitched 2.2. innings and gave up 12 earned runs. And his critics sure were cackling then.

AJ Burnett brought cream pies to Yankee walkoff wins. I don't remember a cream pie this year. I don't even remember a walkoff win. (Yeesh, do we have one?) Frankly, we should be lucky that Pittsburgh is in the race. Otherwise, they would have traded AJ at the deadline to one of our rivals -- and they wouldn't have settled for Diego and Exicardo.

To justify that deal takes Big Cayones. Then again, we have him!


Anonymous said...

Always liked Burrnet but it just wasn't working. Don't know why but it seemed like it just got worse with every outing. I was not happy to see a pitcher of his caliber get traded for peanuts but I don't believe he would have had this kind of year for the Yanks. The change of scenery might also have helped him. No ill will towards him but it wasn' work in NYC. That happens sometimes.

Alphonso said...

But we have Pineda !!!

And we had Andy Brackman !!

Don't you get it? The yankee's policy is to trade quality for dirt and, in return, make up excuses.

Hermodorus said...

And Campos. And Banuelos.

Oh right, they're sidelined with elbow issues.

But we still have local wunderkind Betances (now 24 years-old)! Yet he seems to accrue 4 walks per start, rarely goes over 5 innings, even after his demotion to AA.

Mustang said...

Again you address every reason for wanting AJ gone but the real one.

It's not a theory that in the AL East AJ would pitch disastrously every other start. We have two years of evidence.

I look forward to another 500 word piece refuting opinions no one holds.

el duque said...

Whpy don't you write a 500 word piece on what we've gotten from Diego Moreno and Exciardo Cayones.

Mustang said...

It's called addition by subtraction. The trade doesn't matter. AJ is gone. It's what the Yankees wanted. It's what the Yankee fans wanted. It's what everyone wanted but you.

If you donate your body to science, the doctors will be puzzled by a strange crease in your brain that no one else in the entire human race has. That crease is your freakish attachment to AJ Burnett.

Hermodorus said...

Banuelos shut down today!

Paging Ty Hensley. Dr Andrews will see you now...

JM said...

I think we could save a lot of time if we just had all of the minor league pitchers go through Tommy John surgery now, so next year they'll all be ready to go.

If we throw in Gardner, maybe we can get a group discount from the surgeon. It will help us keep the billions intact.

One thing I'll say for AJ, he wasn't as ugly as Randy Johnson.

Hermodorus said...

Ty, Dr Andrews is still busy with Aardsma and Feliciano.

Dr Altchek or Dr Ahmad are accepting new patients in the meantime.