Monday, August 8, 2016

The A-Rod Doomsday Scenario.

Here's how it goes:

Freed of pennant race stresses, the Yankees this week - behind A-Rod - sweep Boston. The climb to four above .500, leapfrogging Houston (led by the best 2B in baseball) and Seattle (led by the fifth best 2B in the AL) in the Wild Card standings. Then they tear into the visiting Rays, giving payback for the weekend disaster that coaxed the great selloff. When the smoke clears, and A-Rod has played his final game, the Yankees are only two games out of a possible post-season berth.

From there - behind newcomers Aaron Judge and Gary Sanchez, and the resurrected Luis Severino - the team vaults back into a race that management had effectively conceded.

A-Rod goes home to Miami and rests. Soon, with new VR software developed by his Silicon Valley girlfriend, he's taking 13 hours of BP per day. His bat speed revives. Whispers surface around the league that he craves another shot. His agent announces a one-day tryout. The scouts come away with mixed opinions. Then the Matrix tears.

Actually, it's not the Matrix. It's David Ortiz's cabbage sack. With Big Papi out for the season, the Redsocks have no DH. John Henry sells a yacht. Ben Affleck makes some calls. Within 13 hours, A-Rod signs with Boston. As the Yankees advances, A-Rod juices the Redsock lineup. He hits HR numbers 697, 698, and 699.

Now it's late September. Boston comes to NY for three games. Season on the line. The Yankees win the first two, after Aaron Hicks and Aaron Judge - (it doesn't matter which, just as long as it's a guy named Aaron) - hit extra inning home runs off of their knuckle-baller, pitching in relief. The city goes crazy. It's the playoff: David Price v. CC Sabathia. In the eighth inning, the Yankees take the lead. In the ninth, Boston fills the bases, after a big hit by Yoan Moncada. Coming to the plate is A-Rod. The Yankees bring in their late-season acquisition, signed off the waiver wire: Bronson Arroyo!

Here's the pitch...  OMG!

4 comments:

Mustang said...

The sequel: next year, we're managed by Bobby Valentine.

joe de pastry said...

I had similar scary thoughts while trying to get to sleep last night: Red Sux sign A-Fraud to replace Big Poopy as DH in 2017 and he hits twenty homers over the Green Monster, six against us.

Also, a question: why does Aaron Hicks stay in the lineup everyday? Surely somebody in Scranton could do more for us.

Nickname Damur said...

There once was a guy named A-Rod
Who had the physique of a god
But that wasn't enough
So he shot up with stuff
Now he'll always be known as a fraud

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