Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Gammonites prepare milk bath for Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM)

So much for the '27 Yankees. Ruth? Gehrig? Whadda they done lately? Mantle and Maris? Whitey and Yogi? 1961? Overrated. The moment has arrived for America's Citadel of Testosterone to welcome its new greatest ever: The Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) - winner of the next five World Series - is opening Camp Benintendi in Florida, where the hubris is thicker than the snowbird traffic on Tamiami Trail. From today's Gammonitic honks...

Adding [Chris] Sale to Rick Porcello and David Price gives the Red Sox a formidable starting rotation, but the rotation – and the rest of the roster – was plenty formidable without him. Porcello and Price have won Cy Young Awards in the past five seasons, and the three pitchers competing for the other two spots would easily win spots in most other rotations.

In case you didn't hear, the mighty 'Socks acquired Sandy Koufax Chris Sale, creating baseball's best starting rotation, for baseball's best lineup, and baseball's smartest smarties, and they did this while Tom Brady was conquering eternity and Big Papi was somehow managing to retire without a positive urine test. And did we mention Andrew Benintendi? Good lord, the rock-ribbed teen titan has added 50 pounds of muscle and can now single-handed lift Guernsey cows from sinkholes. Good lord, people, bow before fucking Zod. This team is a veritable golden shower of, well... - "jaw-dropping" talent.

[W]hile Sale was the jaw-dropping acquisition of the winter for the Red Sox, it's not lost on him that he's joining a team stocked with veterans of October, [and] a 93-win team returning largely intact.

"Jaw-dropping." That's right. There's a term you don't just hear enough. (I would have gone with "face-melting," but that's just me.) So, let's take a moment to lift our jaws from the floorboards. But wait! There's more. Don't forget the bullpen!

It’s not only the acquisition of Tyler Thornburg, the health of Carson Smith and the transition of Joe Kelly that has the relief corps in good shape at the start of spring training. All it takes is simple math to see how Sale will save the relievers from having to record one additional out each game this season.

Listen... We all know the deal on the 2017 Yankees. For us to win 90, every traffic light has to glow green. Even if our prospects produce, we're still a year away from the kind of jaw-dropping, face-melting, heart-stopping, Irritable Bowel Syndrome crapola that the Redsock blather machines are churning. This may be a year when we merely get to celebrate a Boston collapse. But if it happens, dear God, it should be fun.


KD said...

Let us not forget what the redsocks gave up to get Sale. Yoan Moncada! Could be another Ruthian error. One can only hope.

John M said...

Wasn't there another time recently that the Gammonites annointed a Sox team as one for the ages? How'd that go?

I'm Bill White said...

Better stadium (now). Better team. We've got work to do.

Nelson said...

Boston eats their seed corn. Ha Ha!!

Anonymous said...

I hope Boston's seed corn is soaked with glyphosate - - see how that works for them. All hail Monsanto!! (or is that, perhaps, "all Heil!!" They are busy at work trying to feed their weed-killer to the planet - - I suggest experimenting on the RedSux 2017 Champions, first. LB (No J)