DEAR NEW YORK TABLOIDS

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Tuesday, August 20, 2019

This is now Brett Gardner's team

Look at that roof. Look, dammit! That's ridiculous! Mister Hal is going to have to pay good money to fix that! Dammit, money doesn't grow on trees.

You Yankees should be ashamed of yourselves.  This stadium is barely ten years old, and look at what you've done, look, don't you dare turn away... LOOK!

Can't we ever have something nice? We know who the problem is. It's that instigator, the one everybody calls "Gardy." He riles you up, banging that bat against the ceiling, and the next thing you know, everybody's breaking things like a bunch of hooligans...

Three days away from his 35th birthday, this is Brett Gardner's greatest hour. 

For starters, he's back in centerfield, where he always belonged. He's hitting - .316 over the last 30 days - when not being ejected from games for crimes against the dugout. The only thing he's not doing is stealing bases - only nine on the year. He has become the leader of the Yankees - the de facto captain - as evidenced by the team's new hand gesture after reaching base: They emulate Gardy's wrists jabbing his bat against the dugout roof, though it looks suspiciously like something else.

It's Gardy's team... for now. 

One of these days, Aaron Hicks - the hero of Minnesota - will return from elbow issues, clogging the lineup in ways we cannot fathom. He will bring his customary, "welcome-back" 1-for-30 slump, and Gardy will move back to LF, nudging the earnest Mike Tauchman and/or Cameron Maybin to the bench. (The Yankees call themselves the "Savages;" Considering Tauchman, Maybin, et al, I believe they should be the "Salvagers.") It will be September, so nobody will go to Scranton. And I'm not ragging on Hicks; he's a great CF when healthy, and you can't blame a guy for being injured. But Gardy's time will be compromised, even if his standing among teammates is untouched. When Gardner is hitting, the Yankee lineup explodes. And if he's hitting in October, we have the best chance among anyone of winning a ring. 

Next winter, the Yankees will have to make a tough decision on Gardy. It's probably that he'll return for 2020. It would be hard for the Yankees to turn away from a one-year deal, if Gardner requests one. It's also possible that - especially if the Yankees win it all - other teams in search of leadership would offer him a two-year gig. If that happens, we might see the unthinkable: Gardy playing for another team. 

For now, none of this matters. We have the month of September to sort everything out. If the 2019 Yankees go down in flames - losing to Houston or Los Angeles, or even to a wild card - I'm not sure Gardy returns under any circumstances. Miguel Andujar looks like a future outfielder, and then there is Clint Frazier, the forever prospect, plus Giancarlo Stanton, Tauchman and Maybin - even Estevan Florial. Yeesh.

But make no mistake: This is Gardy's team. He is a threat to dugouts everywhere. I hope he pokes a hole in the Oakland roof. This is his finest hour.  

31 comments:

TheWinWarblist said...

Benedícat vos omnípotens Ruthus, et Scooter, et Mantleus, et Spíritus Jeterus.

So endeth the JuJu.



Except for fuck you Hal.

JM said...

Is Hicks ever coming back? Is Stanton? Is Monty...the one we really need.

Enquiring minds want to know.

Unknown said...

Gardy, old school spirit. Leader.

Anonymous said...

Gardy is Howard Bealeing.
He's banging on the ceiling.
Instead of bases stealing.
He's banging on the ceiling.

When Judge needs to be healing.
He's banging on the ceiling.
When starters all are reeling.
He's banging on the ceiling.

How is this appealing?
This banging on the ceiling.
This excessive zealing.
This banging on the ceiling.


Doug K.

JM said...

I just have a feeling
That banging on the ceiling
Is Gardy's way of dealing--
Like Mo Rivera's kneeling

Anonymous said...

JM, Nice. Doug K.

13bit said...

"I love Gardy, but©"

His head got really big - literally - kind of like Clemens. It's a walk year. He wants to keep play. Suddenly, he's angrier than ever before, but we'll say he's "got more spirt," is "more fiery" and is "acting like a team leader."

After the 1990s and early aughts, I always think of one thing when a guy starts to hit for more power, gets angrier, and his head grows. We'll need to see photographic documentation of his balls for absolute proof, but I want to know what he's on.

And I guess we have nobody in the minors whom he'd be blocking if he stuck around next year, right? Nobody down there....

My latest haiku, titled:

"Yankee Long-Term Player and Farm System Development Strategey"

Cash sits on corn cob.
He wears diaper and blinders.
There is no big plan.

Mediasavvy said...

Gardner antics aside, he will be a central part of the Yankee story in the playoffs.

I think Hicks will be joining the other 15 injured Yankees by the pool in Tampa. If the Yankees are smart, they'll let his elbow fully heal. With 6 years remaining on his contract, with 4 outfielders fielding and hitting the pants off the ball, I think they will play it safe.

The only reason to rush him back is to prove he ain't injured to the winter trade market. If that's not the Yankee plan, he can have another mojito and relax.

Anonymous said...

JM,

So you’re saying he is healing.
By banging on the ceiling.
As opposed to keeling.
He’s banging on the ceiling.

Emotion he’s unsealing.
By banging on the ceiling.
Like someone singing “Feelings”
He’s banging on the ceiling.

Better if concealing.
Not banging on the ceiling
Then on the basepaths wheeling.
Not banging on the ceiling.

Or fines he’ll be appealing
From banging on the ceiling.

Doug K.

JM said...

Lol!!!! Great, Doug!

ranger_lp said...

Because of the "savages" video, MLB got tired of having their umpires "showed up" by a 35 year old player who regressed to a seven year old by using a bat inappropriately. Do I give two? Of course not. But they have...so MLB is not putting up with it any longer and they are dishing out serial ejections.

Should he come back next year? The metrics should say no, and since we have a log jam in the outfield, we should look to get younger and shed payroll. Frazier has been in AAA purgatory and I think it's time that he get another chance. Then let it be his job to lose in the spring.

One more thought...Trevor Rosenthal and Tyler Lyons. Can't scratch my head enough, my hair is falling out.

Anonymous said...

I'M FASCINATED THAT AFTER LOOKING AT ALL THOSE NAMES AND TALENTS.....

GARDY (LEADERSHIP!), ANDUJAR, (27 HR, 92 RBI, .297 AS A ROOKIE), CLINT FRAZIER (LEGENDARY BAT SPEED!), STANTON (MVP!), TAUCHMAN, MAYBIN, AND FLORIAL (ULTRA HIGH CEILING!)......

......THAT COOP COULD NOT MAKE A DEAL TO ACQUIRE THE PITCHER WE NEEDED.

I UNDERSTAND THAT STROMAN'S PRICE WAS TOO HIGH, AND BUMGARNER WAS NOT FOR SALE, BUT THERE WAS BAUER.

TREVOR BAUER SHOULD HAVE BEEN BROUGHT IN HERE.

WE HAD THE SHOT.

THE TIMING WAS PERFECT WHEN HE THREW THE BALL OVER THE CF WALL. CLEVELAND HAD HAD ENOUGH RIGHT THEN....FRANCONA WAS PISSED OFF....

COOP DIDN'T HAVE THE VISION, AND DIDN'T POUNCE.

WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

HoraceClarke66 said...

This is why I come to this site: all the great poetry!

I wonder if Cleveland ever would've traded Bauer to the Yanks, ALL-CAPS. But there were so many other ways to get pitching...

As for Estevan Florial and the High, High Ceiling (my next children's book title), he is now at .244 at Tampa, with 8 homers, 8 stolen bases, and 86 strikeouts.

I think the best you can say for Florial is that he's the centerfielder of the future and always will be.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I don't get Rosenthal and Lyons, either, ranger...but I fear it bodes no good for our relief staff.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And JM, I agree with you on the beards. Another thing I hate about them: it's part of the general affectation by ballplayers that they are working-class, lunch-pail dudes, instead of guys in the top .0001 percent of income, anywhere, ever.

You are a baseball player, not a member of a motorcycle gang. Own it!

Anonymous said...

"Estevan Florial and the High, High Ceiling (my next children's book title)"

I like that a lot. Here's a head start...

"But, how will I reach it?", said Estevan.
"You're going to need a bigger bat.", replied Gardy.

Doug K.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Sure, Larry Rothschild is just the guy to fix Trevor Rosenthal. Sure he is ahahahaha!

ranger_lp said...

@Carl tnx for the reminder...

#FYL

13bit said...

Doug, that was a beautiful piece of verse...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Doug K., I think this is the start of a beautiful collaboration. Caldecott Prize, here we come!

Now, can anybody draw?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Carl, maybe Larry works in reverse on pitchers who already stink.

It's kind of like when George Costanza decided to do the opposite of what made sense. Maybe with pitchers who obviously don't know how to get anybody out, BoJo Rothschild is better off telling to do what DOESN'T come naturally.

Mike Fan Cessa said...

Larry Costanza: "If you guys don't stop pitching like shit, I'm gonna take you outside and SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S LIKE!!!"


Thank you evoking that image, Hoss. It will keep me smiling to myself until Real-life Larry (AKA The Buxom Buzzkill) happens along later this evening. I choose to cherish the happy moments.


Anonymous said...

I like "The Buxom Buzzkill". That's a great moniker. The best I could do was go with the SeInfeldian theme. Mooby Dick.

Doug K.

Mike Fan Cessa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JM said...

Why is Herm still pitching? Why?

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