Thursday, October 3, 2019

The road to the series involves nothing but Yankee-hating teams

In a way, it's like old times. Everybody hates us. 

Used to be, they hated the Yankees because we always won, or we bought pennants, or we were a pampered collection of millionaires and fat cat fans, owned by a bombastic, schoolyard bully whom everyone rightfully despised. The whole country hated us. In fact, that's how Boston built its national following: By hating us more than anyone else. A perfect marketing strategy. They might as well have been printing money. Everyone hated us, the Evil Empire, long after that singular phrase became a punch line, used to mock our withering, also-ran mediocrity.

So, tell me again how these 2019 Yankees deserve such enmity...

This is a team that should have died in May, when half its lineup disappeared in a wormhole of gonadal tweaks. We lost our best pitcher. We lost our 100-RBI third baseman. We lost our all-star reliever. We lost our center-fielder. We lost our MVP left fielder. We lost our 30-HR catcher. We lost our first-baseman. We'd already lost our shortstop, and then we lost his replacement, Troy Somethingorother, and that's not counting Jacoby Whazizname. We lost $100 million in talent. And then we lost Aaron Judge. 

We found replacements under rocks. Any team in baseball could have acquired Mike Tauchman, Gio Urshela, Luke Voit, Cameron Maybin, David Hale, Breyvic Valera, the toe-tapper, and the hordes that pitched out of our bullpen... for a handful of magic Colter Beans. We rallied under the phrase "Next Man Up," and won the division by Sept. 1. This team deserves to be beloved, or at least appreciated by anybody who ever rooted for an underdog.

And yet, they'll hate us. 

Minnesota hates us because we've beaten them five times. We are their dragon, their Babadook, and they cannot escape their identity crisis hellhole until they beat us. For the Twins, this is a call to arms. For us, it's just another team that, in our hearts, we know cannot be vanquished forever. We don't hate them. They simply hate us.

Tampa hates us because we spend winters there, siphoning off their fan base to the degree that they may someday lose the franchise or - worse - share it with Montreal. In many ways, they hate us far more than Redsock fans; it's just that the world doesn't notice, because nobody goes to their games. If they beat Houston, o, how they will hate us. And on the day when they move to North Carolina, OMG!

Houston hates us because they've gotten used to winning, as we once did, and they see us as a legitimate threat to their regal status. Plus, once you become accustomed to pennants, you start to hate everybody. Rest assured, if they get past Tampa - as we expect - their fan base will summon soul-killing, hate-filled messages, not only against the Yankees but against their ultimate symbol of the boogie man: New York City.

Yep, they hate us. We have the most lovable team in baseball, the greatest collection of overachievers in memory, yet they will hate us. Get ready to rumble. 

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said Duque. The truth is we hate them back.

We hate Minnesota because... OK I really don't hate Minnesota. I have a lot of friends from there and Minneapolis sounds like a really cool city. (No pun) Also, it's one of the the birthplaces of American comedy in it's current form. Not a fan of Lutefisk though.

Tampa - Yes! We hate Tampa because these fuckers ruined the game of baseball with their openers, and match ups, and for playing games inside an octopus's acetabulum.

We hate them because they convinced Hal that spending $$$$ is not necessary to win. We hate them because their fans (such as they are) aren't.

We hate them because they have a tank of captured rays instead of having free range rays that are allowed to roam the ball park. Fuck Tampa. And Fuck St. Pete. (and St. Paul. And St. Mary. Puff on that!)

Houston. Oh Houston. The Richmond of our current divide. The hubristic, oil soaked city that pollutes and destroys everything it touches.

Ever been stuck in a traffic jam in Houston? I have. The place is a dystopian nightmare. All I remember were the endless, "Real Men Don't Rape" billboards. What's going on down there that they need to remind people not to rape, with billboards? Seriously.

Fuck Minute Maid Park. And fuck it's previous name, ENRON Field. And, Enron Field, pretty much says it all. They should have billboards that read, "Real Corporations Don't Rape"

Houston, city right out of Rollerball. (The good one with James Caan not that weird one with whats his face from the Matrix.) Houston...

Doug K.

JM said...

Minneapolis used to and may still promote itself as the "Mini Apple." Hmm, wonder who they're referring to there.

The best thing about Houston is the old song sung by Dean Martin and written by Lee Hazelwood, a strange musical talent best known for his partnership with Nancy Sinatra, who was better than she's often given credit for. Her performance of "You Only Live Twice" for the Bond film is pretty damned good.

Tampa makes Orlando look good. And that takes some doing. Their whole "lowest payroll in the majors" crap needs to be stomped, and Houston will probably do it. In a way, I'd rather face Houston than Tampa. The Rays are just such a major pain in the ass.

Minnesota beating us out on the HR record by one is really hysterical. When the Twins are belting more homers than anyone, you know the ball is juiced and the fences are too close.

Anonymous said...

JM, It's OK not to have the HR record. Notice that the top HR teams of all time were not WS winners.

AL 2018 New York Yankees 268 2018
AL 1997 Seattle Mariners 264 1997
AL 2005 Texas Rangers 260 2005
AL 1996 Baltimore Orioles 257 1996
AL 2010 Toronto Blue Jays 257 2010
AL 2019 Oakland Athletics 257 2019

Doug K.

13bit said...

We no longer speak fondly of pineapples here...

Anonymous said...

HERE IS ANOTHER REASON THEY HATE US.

WORD IS OUT, WE HAVE NAME PLATES OVER EACH PLAYERS LOCKER SAYING THE WORD "SAVAGE".

HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE WE?

THIS IS THE KIND OF BABY-SHIT THE METS PULL ALL THE TIME WHICH DRIVES ME WILD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!

DIDN'T WE LEARN LAST YEAR BY PLAYING "NEW YORK, NEW YORK" WHILE LEAVING BOSTON?

THEY WIPED US OUT AT HOME, AND WE LOOKED LIKE ASSHOLES! (PROMPTING THEM TO PLAY "NEW YORK, NEW YORK" IN THEIR CLUBHOUSE WHILE SHOOTING CHAMPAGNE ALL OVER.

NOW, WE DO THIS?

UNBELIEVABLE!

I WANT TO KNOW WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?

WHO DECIDED AND WHO APPROVED OF THIS?

WE NEED TO ACT MORE LIKE BILL BELICHICK AND STOP DOING THIS SHIT! HE DOESN'T WANT PLAYERS TO DO IT BECAUSE IT RALLIES THE OTHER TEAMS!

YOU GUYS MAY LAUGH AT WHAT I AM ENRAGED ABOUT, BUT WE JUST GAVE EVERY SINGLE TEAM IN THE PLAYOFFS, BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL, TO RAGE AGAINST US.

THAT'S INSANE.

IN 2004, GARY SHEFFIELD OPENED HIS MOUTH WHEN WE WERE UP 3-0 ON THE SOX.

WE LOST.

IN 2018, AARON JUDGE PURPOSELY PLAYED "NEW YORK, NEW YORK" LEAVING THE BOSTON CLUBHOUSE, AFTER WINNING 1 LOUSY GAME.

WE LOST.

NOW 2019, WE DO THIS.

I FELT LIKE EVERY SINGLE THING WAS AGAINST US GOING INTO THIS POST SEASON, AND THAT WAS BEFORE WE DID THIS!

I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE END.

MAYBE SOMEONE CAN CHEER ME UP.

ALPHONSO?

Vampifella said...

It's why Boone won't get AL Manager of the Year this year, even though he done the imaginable by getting rookies and cast offs to perform well enough to get them to the post season.

They'll reward it to Baldelli. He's now the Twins manager, even though Molitor unfairly won it two years ago, because the Twins always suck and yet somehow over-achieve.

It's also why Girardi never got any when he should have had at least two. Most people feel that a chimp can could manage the Yanks and get the same results, but dammit this year was really amazing with all the injuries and such.

I'm also surprised that Judge was able to win Rookie of the Year as that's another one that rarely gets any one voting for the Yanks. I felt Nova should have been better represented, Sánchez as well.

LeMahieu should be MVP as he done the most to get a crap team into the playoffs this year, but Trout will get it because he's Trout. Even though he's on a consistently terrible team he's the "face" of baseball right now consistently getting amazing WARs although it doesn't seem to help the Angels out in any way.

Urshela or at least Sánchez should win Comeback Player of the Year but it'll go to someone on a really crappy team who was out on Tommy John for two years who gave the team around 10 more wins than they should have got.

And so on with the robberies...just because they are Yanks...

ranger_lp said...

@Doug K "What we got for our skilled opponents is the Houston fist-in-the-face technique!"

HoraceClarke66 said...

Superb take on being a fan, as always, Duque.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Vampifella, you're right about LeMahieu. And if he were, say, Dustin Pedroia, he would win it. Because he's a Yankee, he won't.

The Yankee who really got screwed on Rookie of the Year was El Matador, Miguel Andujar. The guy only hit line drives all year long.

"Oh, but we don't like his fielding at third." Okay, so give it to The Gleyber.

Nope. It goes to Ohtani the Wonder Boy, who can hit AND pitch. Only, he hurt his arm, so he quit pitching after going 4-2. And then he didn't play the field, and got in about half-a-season at DH.

So they reject the Yankees' stud on fielding, but gave it to a guy who didn't field. And didn't even play almost half the time. Right.

Of course, years ago they turned thumbs down on Soriano on grounds that were just as rational: "Oh, he played in Japan, he isn't really a rookie!" Then Ichiro won. Then Matsui didn't, because he wasn't a rookie.

And before that, there was Guidry who didn't win the MVP because Rice was an everyday player. And then Clemens who won the MVP even though Mattingly was an everyday player.

And the beat goes on, and the beat goes on...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Doug K, only exceptions on HR record: 1961 Yankees. And the 1927, 1932, and 1936 Yankees. But we shouldn't worry: next year, Stanton will break the team record all by himself.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Never been to Houston, thank goodness.

I did like St. Paul, but found Minnesota a little weird, the way they're all into how the buildings downtown are all connected, so you never have to go out in the cold weather. Yeah, great stuff if your idea of a city is the space station.

Downtown Tampa is a pit. Literally, something like half parking lots.

BUT Ybor City is a helluva lot of fun, and still a working port. Fun place.

And their ball teams should all die.

Ernie Lombardi said...

Good, let's give them something to hate us for. BTW, NFW should Jim Rice be in the HOF. When what passes for "baseball press" started to use the "feared factor" as an argument....... Hell, Dick Allen and others were more "feared".😈

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

I’m not worried about the Twins. They’re all DiVito and no Schwarzenegger. Astros are gonna be a problem so... GO TAMPA!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Well, Dick Allen should probably be in, too.

And so should Jorge!!!

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