Tuesday, November 10, 2020

Houston goes to the suers, and the Yankiverse slowly awakens to the stark reality that DJ might not return

Jeff Luhnow, the disgraced former GM of the disgraced Houston Astros, is suing disgraced Astros owner Jim Crane for a disgraceful $22 million. This is one of those Freddy v. Jason , Anaconda v. Lake Placid vendetta wars that warms the icy dungeons of our hearts. I'm liking the plucky fratboy Luhnow, who'll prolong the Astros' cheating scandal, which hasn't yet drawn a full season bath of bile. The two cheater/managers, AJ Hinch and Alex Cora, both have found jobs. Luhnow is clipping coupons. Aren't lawyers wonderful? Isn't it refreshing when enemies fight? Have at it, boys! Anyone need a knife?  

Murdoch's Post says what we've feared for weeks: If the Death Star loses DJ LeMahieu, it won't necessarily be to a skivvy team in Tunisia. It'll be to our bitter rivals, crosstown and/or existential. Rupert's rummies name the Mets and Redsocks as potential landing strips. Either would push Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner into DEFCON-4. But knowing Hal's thriftiness - money doesn't grow on trees - I wonder how the Yankees can keep LeMahiue and also improve their pitching? Last month, we left Miguel Andujar in Scranton due to a hitting glut. We simply have no pitching. Something's gotta give.

Should the Yankees sign Charlie Morton? After LeMahieu (and maybe Giancarlo Stanton's contract), this could be the most immediate question of November. He'll be 37 this year. That's J.A. Happ territory. But Tampa punted on his option - no qualifying offer, no loss of a draft pick. His family lives in Tampa, which gives him an incentive to sign with us. We'd be picking off a key member of the 2020 Rays. And he's wily. I like wily, except with coyotes.

Europa glows in the dark. WTF? I'm not talking about a stripper. This is the moon of Jupiter, and it's dayglow. What gives? Is it a giant Spencer Gifts outlet? I wouldn't turn my back on that moon. Something's going on, and it ain't disco. Time for the Space Force?

10 comments:

Wezil1 said...

If the Yankees can force players to shave beards, they can require Mr Morton to get that horrendous mole removed in return for a ridiculous contract. Seriously- i cannot look at that thing.

JM said...

Hey, anybody know what's happening with German?

I just like to say that every once in a while. Keeps my sarcastic streak fresh.

And again, can DJ pitch as well as hit? We can kill two birds with one stone if that's the case. He looks like he can do pretty much anything he sets his mind to.

I'd even take him as a knuckleballer.

13bit said...

"Hey, anybody know what's happening with German?"

Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?

Alphonso said...

We could write a contract with Morton which has him pitch only when the Yankees are in Tampa.

I know about German.

MLB has placed him in an internment camp, on some mediterranean island. He is not allowed to pitch, although he can " soft toss" with Giancarlo Stanton, if Stanton chooses to visit.

So far, he has been mostly idle.

The international courts in the Hague have been asked by MLB to consider suing him for " crimes against the baseball establishment, its manners and decorum. "

He was not allowed to vote in the recent elections.

Even in his home town.

Rumor his it, he has been eating a lot of junk food and has ballooned up to 165 pounds.



Anonymous said...

Maybe he should change his name from German to Austrian, that seems to have worked in the past. I suppose he could offer to help out with the space program, he will fit right in. A number of our pitchers give up moon shots.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Good one, Doug!

And JM, Alphonso, don't you understand?

Deivie, Clark, Domingo, and Mike King are going to make our miraculous, "young guns" rotation behind Gerrit Cole next year. Unless a fully recovered, faster-than-ever Sevvy beats them out. Or Johnny Lasagna. Or Cessa! Maybe Cessa's time has come!

Nails said...

I think you’ve forgotten about Montgomery. He will be in the rotation, barring injury.

Alphonso said...

Yes. Monty is a reliable 5-10 pitcher.

Out lefty.

Our Tommy John story.

A true pitcher who relies on junk.

Perfect for a wild card contender., depending on Giancarlo to hit 50 HRs and bang in 1000 RBI's as a DH.

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