Monday, January 24, 2022

Buffalo has just replaced "Wide Right" with "Thirteen Seconds."

Last night, like most lunks across America, I rooted for the Buffalo Bills to exorcize the ghost of Scott "Wide Right" Norwood and go to the Super Bowl. 

When it was over, after witnessing one of the most excruciating losses in memory, my wife looked at me and whispered, "Those poor, poor people..." 

She didn't need to explain. 

For the emotionally abused souls of Western New York, another year has been summoned to the gates of hell. In the end, all Buffalo needed to do was keep KC from moving 44 yards in 13 seconds. Thirteen seconds... yeesh, a squib kick would have killed three. Now, they have an entire year - eight weeks of winter in a dark pandemic - to ponder the unponderable, as they descend into madness. 

Hence, an age-old question: 

With sports teams, is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?

Would they be better off as Giants fans? 

This year, the NY Giants stopped bothering me in mid-October. By then, it was clear they were toast. As a lifelong Gints fan, I knew exactly what to do: I flicked the switch and rooted for the team to lost, to tank, to cause mass firings and inflict pain on the owners... and I say this without the slightest pang of guilt. 

The Giants are a terrible franchise run by billionaire dicks who've never known an honest job and never will. When the team sucks - as it has now for practically a decade - it's easy to hate them, and frankly, it's fun! You never suffer, you never scream, you never experience the totality of pain... as Bills fans did last night.  

By the way, one of these days, the Yankees might just provoke a similar reaction from fans.

But I ask you: Which was worse... tanking by Oct. 15, or falling short by 13 seconds? 

Today, those poor, poor people of Western New York are a tortured, beaten tribe.  The Bills are done, the lakes are frozen, the wings are cold, and all that's left are comic book universes, online porn and the Golden Snowball contest - which, by the way - looks like Buffalo's year.


Good luck, Buffalo. (But don't sleep on Syracuse; a ton of snow can fall in 13 seconds.) And for all your pain and suffering, here's the best I can offer:

At least you don't have the Giants.

8 comments:

JM said...

That was so painful. 13 seconds. Obviously, both defenses were exhausted in those last two minutes of regulation. But if that's the case, you'd think the offenses would've been pretty damn tired, too.

Sad.

el duque said...

For whatever it's worth, I was surprised when they kicked it into the end zone. A squib kick just made sense.

The ghost of Spider Lockhart said...

Those two quarterbacks were supernatural. What a fantastic game. Its been a while sine we've seen QB'ing like that in MetLife Stadium

13bit said...

Just remember: life has really no meaning.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

That game was otherworldly, the QB'ing was beyond epic> a King Kong vs Godzilla battle Royale. And I agree, a squib kick, a three man rush, hell, a two man rush LOL, anything but what they did might have worked. This will be analyzed ad nauseum for some time,,, Oh how far away are these Giants, URGGG

Alphonso said...

I agree about the kick-off ( squib) but they don't want #10 to touch the ball ever.

What was dumb was the defense. Not that Mahomes can be stopped. But Kelce ( the tight end position the Giants
have ignored since Bavaro ) has to be covered, as a priority. You can't let Kielce get open down the middle.

And maybe for the first time in the game, you mix things up and blitz the man. No matter.

We all knew "13 seconds " was too much to give Mahomes in that game.

He didn't even need all of that.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Great game.

Yes, a squib kick would have been better. And while we're at it, since OT is no longer true "sudden death," why not make it so both teams have to have the ball once?

But...Buffalo played very, very well and lost to a very good team. Plus, the Bills have a future. They could easily be back next year, better than ever.

Mahomes is amazing. As a Packers fan, my jaw remains about mid-chest at (yet another) playoffs meltdown from the new A-Rod. He was sure shown up by Mahomes this weekend. Not to mention Jimmy Garoppolo.


The Archangel said...

This is been epic tragedy after epic tragedy dating back to the shellacking that got in previous SBs, the last second loss to NYG #2 QB, the Music City Miracle and the fact that those poor creatures have to live in Western NY.

At least they have all those Sabres's Stanley Cups.
Whoops, too far?

There is a special place in Heaven for them