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Friday, January 14, 2022

Stone Free

I’m talking kidney stones not the Jimmy Hendrix song. (Although he would be seventy-nine if he were still alive, so maybe he would do a new version. “Stone Free I’m off of my knees. Stone Free. I finally peed.” Then again, he probably would have overdosed on the acetaminophen. Lord knows I tried.

Spent the last few days in and out of emergency rooms as what was described as, “A smallish kidney stone” taught me the meaning of the word pain.

Speaking of pain…

1) Jasson Dominiquez and Roderick Arias

El Duque points out that the Yankees are about to spend several million dollars on, “One 17-year-old shortstop named Roderick Arias, which - if you're scoring at home - would make him "the next Jasson Dominiquez." Who according to a headline he posted “The Yankees still have faith in”

The Yankees STILL have FAITH in!  Like how Gettleman had faith the Giant offensive line? Like how the Knicks believe Fournier’s defense will come around? He hasn’t even played for a full year yet! 

Glad they haven’t given up on him. Is he still The Martian or is he now The Venusian?  I guess as long as he's not from Uranus we're still ok. 

That said, Hoss mentioned how ballplayers in the past, specifically Joe D. were already well on the way to actual accomplishments on the field by the time they were 19. Now they take a kid with “strong measurables” give him more money than the town he grew up in, wrap him in bubble wrap, and have him play a handful of games at a low level and when he proves to be, just ok “at this stage of his development”, still have faith in him? Nice to know.

“And so, castles made of sand melts into the sea… eventually.”

2) Seiya Suzuki 

Rumor has it that he will sign with the Red Sox. I know, it’s only a rumor but if they sign him, he will become my Yoan Moncada.  Suzuki is 27 years old. Strong defender. Great arm. Hits for average and power. Not outrageously expensive (That the money matters go to show how beaten down I am by the Yankee front office) and is a long-term solution to Left Field. He’s going to be a fucking Red Sock? As El Duque says, “Slowly I turn.”  

Or, as Jimi would say, “Hey (Doug) Where you going with that gun in your hand?”

3) The NY Giants v. The NY Yankees v. Me

Forget Super Bowls. The Giants went a whole season without scoring a single point in the last two minutes of the first half. I’m not going to list all of their failures, but their current version may be the worst football team I have ever seen

However, while the Maras and the Tisches have done a really crappy job for the last ten plus years, and I have little faith that they will get this next hire right, at least they are trying. They saw a coach that wasn’t going to get it done. They understood that the GM was worthless and, after considerable pressure from fans and the media, they dumped them both.

The Yankees didn't do either. I get it. They are in a much better position in that they did not bottom out. But, they will never bottom out and that’s the problem.  I’ve pretty much had it with them and I’m telling you all, Seiya Suzuki thing could be the last straw for me.

Maybe I’m just beaten up from the last few days but as much as I love to watch sports, love the non-contrived entertainment of it, love the story lines, (And how about that Georgia win over Alabama? The raw emotion at the end of the game says it all.) life is too short to spend it watching the institutionalized mediocrity that is the NY Yankees.

Or. to wrap it up in the words of the immortal (and yet dead anyway) Jimi Hendrix…

"I think we better wait till tomorrow," no, I can't wait that long.”


AboveAverage said...

Kidney stone pain = the equivalent of experiencing the absolute worse possible sort of labor pain felt by a woman giving birth to a 30 pound mutated space alien baby in a really bad science fiction movie coupled simultaneously with getting your lower abdomen pummeled by a hobbit-sized Mike Tyson, when he was in his prime. All whilst trying to digest that razor blade you accidentally swallowed the night before.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Doesn't there have to be an in "The Present" Jasson Dominiquez in order to be the next one?

Ken of Brooklyn said...

OH NOOOO Doug, that's barbaric medieval level pain! Very glad to hear that your on the mend my friend!!!!!!

The Archangel said...

Kidney stones, there's no crying with kidney stones.
Clearly you are not descended from the Black Knight of the historical epic masterpiece "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
Merely a flesh wound.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Sorry about the stones, Doug. A couple of my family members have struggled with those, and I know they're no fun.

And yeah, Cashman seems to have forgotten about signing anyone from anywhere for anything. (Save for "the next Jasson Dominguez."

What could this mean? Could it be that Coops and HAL know something more? For instance, that they are planning to block ANY new plan, and hoping to take the Players' Union down?

Chaos, chaos, chaos...

DickAllen said...

Horace, the players union doesn't need any help going down. They are a hapless bunch led by hapless leaders.

BTW, I've had kidney stones. The most painful fucking thing on earth. Drank (and still do) a lot of lemon juice. Fixes that shit right up.

If only Yankees hierarchy had any kind of stones at all.

Doug K. said...

Thank you all.

I'm going to cut down on my salt intake. The lemon juice idea sounds good as well.

Now the only pain is in my butt.

Is there a way to get a Yankeectomy?

Brian surgery?

Maybe some Listerine to eliminate HALitosis?

EDB said...

Sorry about your stones and I hope you are feeling better. Genius Cashman only brings in Stiffs.

DickAllen said...

I had a doctor tell me to cut down on the sodium as well.

Wanker. Someone must have neglected to tell her that salt is comprised of sodium and kidney stones are largely a calcium problem.

The real enemy is dehydration. I drink lots of water with lemon and haven't had any stones in decades. Still use plenty of salt.

Fuck the experts.

JM said...

I hope like hell I never have to experience the stones. Especially now that Charlie Watts is gone. I mean, he was the classiest one of the bunch.