Today's Lockout Theatre features Babe Ruth in PERFECT CONTROL, a 1956 short film that has been cavorting on social media lately.
In it, George Herman does his best Nicholas Cage, as the King of Swat crashes the most tedious class lesson since Roger Waters concluded, "We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control..."
"ARITHMETIC?" The Babe scolds. "Four times four is sixteen. Three strikes you're out... That's all you need!"
This weekend convenes the last big NFL Sunday of the 2021-22 season. (Super Sunday doesn't count.)
Next week, the sports-industrial complex will plummet into the February abyss - a cesspit of basketball blowouts, hockey brawls and awards shows -which would normally be brightened by the anticipation of spring training.
I'm becoming a broken record here, but the billionaires of baseball chose the worst time imaginable to stage their lockout.
Today, we sit in the throes of a global pandemic, rising inflation, supply chain issues, an exploding climate, a polarized electorate and a looming war in Europe, with consequences we cannot begin to fathom.
And no baseball, not even a wisp, to take us briefly away.
At some point, this impasse will end. And when it does, we will feel a vast longing to welcome the game back into our lives.
But there's an old saying, "Trust is gained in teaspoons and lost in buckets."
There must be consequences for what the owners - and, yes, the players, too - have done.
In the meantime, let the Babe whisk you away to a happier time. Quickly, now... six times nine is what?
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10 comments:
For the sake of accuracy, this film was made in 1932, not 1956. Babe Ruth died in 1948.
The copyright line on the title card does say 1956. Very weird. Maybe Babe should've stayed in the arithmetic class awhile.
Even if you're not that great with Roman numerals, it's hard to mix up LVI and XXXII. And it doesn't look like a rerelease.
Mysterious.
Actually this Feb is chock full of top notch sports to watch on TV!
The Winter Olympics!
People skating around in circles! People skating around in circles and then jumping and spinning! People going down a hill really fast! People going down a hill and then jumping and spinning!
People slogging up a hill and then shooting something!
Curling!
As a side note - I did a practice Olympic bobsled run at Calgary. I was five seconds off the world's record, which, in Olympic time,is forever. That said, in terms of feet per second it's really quick.
As a result of my run I am pretty sure I hold the bobsled record as the fastest Jew. So there's that!
Sorry about the dating issue - it certainly looks older than 1956. But I went with the copyright. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
That kid shouldn't have been taking drugs before class. It's dangerous to be hallucinating during math lessons . . .
I may go through the rest of the day chanting - fast ball curve ball - fast ball curve ball - fast ball curve ball.
El duque, no worries. Just my anal-ocity. Love u guys.
Thanks, Duque!
Say, that teacher looked pretty good behind the plate. I wonder if he's still available...
I think the teacher is the great Franklin Pangborn.
I'd deal Sanchez for him, even-up. Even, you know, considering he's dead and everything.
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