Wednesday, January 26, 2022

The Hall of Fame balloting has become baseball's version of the Golden Globes

Two years ago, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association - maker of the Golden Globes - drew fire for its lack of diversity and love of bribes. Since the days of Pia Zadora, the first lady of stage and screen!, the Globes have functioned as a promotional ego boost for celebs and a boozy slush fund for "writers" between junkets. But this year, something happened: The world said "Fuck off." The Golden Globes weren't televised or even streamed on CompuServe, and civilization is the better for it.  

Which brings me to the BaseBall Writers Association of America - sports' version of the Foreign Press corps, which yesterday elected David Ortiz and nobody else to the so-called "Hall of Fame" in Cooperstown.

First, I have no issue with honoring Big Papi. Over the years, Ortiz killed us, and sportswriters value nothing more highly than Yankee torture. I still suffer PTSD from the mere thought of Papi coming up in the late innings. He deserves the honor. It's worth it, just to know he can never hurt me - ever again.

But the writers snubbed Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, by far two of the greatest players in our lifetimes, apparently due to some morality judgement that these giants of righteousness have chosen to impose. It's surely the charges of performance enhancing drugs - claims that rippled all around baseball in that era - and it's worth noting that Big Papi had his own questionable test results of glowing urine. Thus, the writers hold Bonds and Clemens accountable but drop their concerns with Ortiz? That's ridiculous. No, it's offensive.

What sucks here is that these guys - most are old, white guys - are imposing personal morality judgements in a sport that, for generations, rated great players by performance. If you want assholes, look no farther than the plaques in Cooperstown. Babe Ruth was a wild man. Ty Cobb was a monster. From Grover Cleveland's alcoholism to Wade Boggs' sex addiction, the Hall of Fame is a cavalcade of great players and lousy human beings - hailed and assembled by writers who, in many cases, had questionable personal issues of their own.  

I say we should pool our money and buy storefront property in Cooperstown, preferably within spitting distance of you-know-what. We'll open The People's Hall - a place dedicated to great players who, due to personal issues with writers, have been swept into a memory hole. 

They include: 

Roger Clemens
Barry Bonds
Alex Rodriguez
Don Mattingly
Bernie Williams
Sammy Sosa
Mark McGwire
Rafael Palmeiro
Lou Whitaker
Shoeless Joe Jackson
Curt Schilling
Dick Allen
Roger Maris
Thurman Munson
Tommy John
Luis Tiant
Andy Pettite
Jimmy Key
Dan Quisenberry 
Billy Wagner
Sparky Lyle
Bartolo Colon 
and of course, Pete Rose.

Listen: You might not like some of these guys, and you could quarrel over career stats of a few. But each devoted his career to not only to the game of baseball but to its fans. These guys deserve more than to be drop-kicked out the backdoor because they didn't talk to writers after a shellacking, or they succumbed to drugs or booze to handle pressures the rest of us cannot begin to imagine. 

Hooray for David Ortiz. And fuck the Hall of Fame. 

It's time to start an alternative, and - you know what? - it doesn't even need to be in Cooperstown. How about Solvay!

14 comments:

Celerino Sanchez said...

Clemens had 3 CYS & MVP before he hit the juice. Bonds had 3 MVPs. Ortiz would have been out of baseball without the juice.

The Ghost of Spider Lockhart said...

As a Yankee fan living in CT, I've watched a lot of Red Sox games just to root against them. I have to say that David Ortiz was the greatest clutch hitter I ever saw.

Gary Frenay said...

If the idea is a parade with Pete Rose in the backseat of a 68 Mustang convertible, cruising down Milton Ave, waving to the assembled multitudes, count me WAY in!!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Ortiz was an amazing player. I wish we had grabbed him (something George supposedly wanted to do but you-know-who said no.)

But he WAS a juicer. His entire body shape changed, and suddenly you couldn't get him A-Rod was also an amazing player, annoying as he was. And as El Duque notes, Bonds and Clemens had HOF careers BEFORE they ever juiced.

The writers' standards were always eccentric, to use a kind word. Now they are completely senseless...

HoraceClarke66 said...

...And yes, we should start our own HOF.

But the place to do it? Where what we know as baseball REALLY started: in New York City, on the playing fields of Manhattan.

There are, certainly, enough empty storefronts around to fill. We start the new Hall, the true Hall. We take Bill James' suggestion, and put in rings of players: greats, all-time greats, super-supremo greats, or whatever.

Asterisks next to all the juicers. Plaques telling the true stories, warts and all. Afterwards, there is an annual stickball game, and then all who want to are invited to turn and moon in the direction of Cooperstown and its thoroughly discredited institution.

Who's with me?

Alphonso said...

Solvay, as in : The Salt Mine of Fame?

Unknown said...

I Googled "Is hall of fame becoming the golden globes?" Because I knew a smarter and better writer was already thinking this.

TheWinWarblist said...

I'm in, even with Rose, but can we still piss on Schilling?

Kevin said...

Ortiz was a great Hitter, but as an all-around player, not so much. His career WAR was 55.3, go and see the players outside the Hall with higher WAR. This is a joke. He was cut from the Twins when he was 27 because of a "slow bat", then perhaps he made a pilgrimage to Fatima because suddenly his bat came back from near death. I mean, come on. If there wasn't a DH he would have been out of baseball by age 31-33. As for the other cheaters, fuck them! Have we devolved into a Society that places no value on integrity, sportsmanship, or honesty? That would be like having our Country's leadership indistinguishable from the leaders of Russia, China, Iran... Oh... I now understand. Nevermind.

As for Rose, I never had any sympathy regarding his banishment. Now, with MLB working feverishly to make it easier for more people to become become gambling addicts MLB should bring him back in the fold. They should kiss his ass, and gain insights into rigging the sport. Ownership has always been a pack of scurvy dogs, but they really don't have any limits as to how low they can go, have they?

EDB said...

El Duque:
With due respect, I beg to differ. Bi Papi had a great career. HOWEVER, he cheated. He at an advanced age, hit over .600 in The World Series. Don't you wonder why. Clemens, Baroid Bonds, Sosa and Slime-Rod are cheats and do not deserve to be in the Hall Of Fame. They are a stain and you know what kind, on the game of Baseball.

EDB said...

Celerino Sanchez. You make great ponts!

The Archangel said...

I am never going back to the HOF because the magic is gone. I will remember it as a cherished memory from the days of yore.
I think if I went now, it would be like meeting the gals from Petticoat Junction when they were now in their 70's.

JM said...

Now that I'm almost in my 70s, those Petticoat Junction gals might look pretty good to me.

Just saying.

Celerino has it right. This is ridiculous.

C... said...

I would like see david cone in the hof