With nothing happening, the Yankiverse becomes a self-congratulatory limbo of happy talk and hype

You've heard about the empty grocery shelves across America, right? Well, the giant Yankee news machine is entering Day 42 without toilet paper, leaving a hungry army of Gammonites gasping and grasping for whatever newsprint they can find. 

They probably face another month before baseball's owners and players launch good faith negotiations. Another month of covering nothingness. 

God help us. If you think the harpies of hype are scrambling now, imagine what it will be like when the big news is Luke Voit, floating down Salina Street in the Syracuse St. Patty's Day Parade. 

Today - when we should be rage-debating the latest acquisition - two rather esoteric non-topics are dominating the Yankiverse.

1. Rachel Balkovec, the first woman manager in history, whom the Yankees signed last week to run their low single A team in Tampa. Yesterday, she did a Zoom call with about 100 Gammonites, who later crafted about 100 anecdotal leads that opened about 100 20-inch stories about progress in America. If you're scoring at home, that's 2,000 column inches, or 167 feet, which - fun fact! - is the height of Niagara Falls. In other words, yeah, they pile shit that high.

Okay, put down the candlestick, I get it: This is an important story. Another barrier smashed, another ceiling broken, a small step for a man, a giant leap for  ma-WHOOPS, sorry bout dat. But at the end of the day, can anyone can tell me the names of other managers in the Yankee system? And how many of you - be honest now - responded to the first news story by asking yourself that awful, horrible  question: What does she look like?

I suspect Balkovec will do a fine job. And the Yankees? For they're a jolly-good fellow, which nobody can deny... Still, measuring success in a developmental league -where front offices don't care about wins and losses - that's difficult. And let's see how the Gammonites react the first time she's tossed from a game for kicking dirt on an ump. Will she be hysterical? 

In the meantime, all the stories are the same: Great success, trail-blazer, committed manager, reason for hope, etc. And they're not just saying this because they have to. Really. It's not hype. Really. This time, they mean it. Really.   

2. Jasson Dominiquez. Yes, this all-purpose hype machine never ends. Today, two major outlets - the Post and SNY.TV - are running Pavlovian, B-matter stories on the Yankees' prized youth, who turns 19 next month. Tick, tick, tick...

Every Jasson story goes this way: He's really, really young, which is why his numbers didn't pop last year. So, for the record, they're not looking for big numbers, in case they don't pop this year. What's important is his long-term dedication to the job. 

Right now, while you are reading this senseless claptrap with an everything-bagel half-submerged into a pint of green Schlitz, Jasson is practicing his hook slide, or learning English. They can't write enough good things about him. Really. And that's not hype. No, sir. They really mean it. Really. Those other phenoms, forget them. This time, no joke.

Another month? It's going to be a long winter.