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Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Twelve straight also-rans, but here's what embarrasses the Yankees

What embarrasses the Yankees?

Wait for it...

Not Andrew Heaney. Not Darren O'Day. Not the collective senses of decay and disillusionment that surge within our breasts when contemplating another season of Gary Sanchez behind the plate, Aaron Hicks in center and God Only Knows at SS...


The 2018 one-night Staten Island Yankees "Pizza Rats" promotion.

That's what embarrassed the Yankees. 

Yes, the Staten Island Pizza Rats.

As Dave Barry would say, I'm not making this up. 

Basically, it's a lawyer thing. The Death Barge - seeking to ditch their single A Staten Island affiliate, as part of MLB's massive destruction of the minors - face a lawsuit war against their former club. That means complaining about everything from shower nozzles to the scent of the soap in the dispensaries. 

In 2018, Staten Island launched one of those promotional nights when the team played as "the Pizza Rats," honoring a plucky, pizza-slice dragging rodent, whose tabloid photo captured the imaginations of New Yorkers everywhere

Listen: I hate these promotions. The Syracuse Mets once played as the "Salt Potatoes," referring to a lethal means of injecting butter and salt into the human body, a tradition used by the pioneers to destroy the Iroquois. Who doesn't love a potato boiled in salt and submerged in butter - something to suck on until the heart explodes? But a ballclub? Nah. It's all about selling commemorative swag, and frankly, it exploits and demeans the fans. 

In 2018, the Staten Island Yankees played a game as the Pizza Rats. 

So, how did this fall into the lawsuit? Staten Island is suing the Yankees for breach of contract, and so the Yankees are word-bombing their former affiliate in any way they can. In this case, front office lug nut Lonn Trost - who once raged that poor people were using unclaimed expensive seats in the late innings - called the Pizza Rats an embarrassment to the Yankees.

Listen: On the scale of recent embarrassments, the Pizza Rats fall somewhere far below Pronk and Troy Tulowitski, and they barely crack the top 50. 

Today, we look at Cory Kluber in Tampa, Clint Frazier in Chicago, Tyler Wade in Los Angeles, while Gary Sanchez remains our starting catcher. The Pizza Rats are an embarrassment? Get real. 


The Archangel said...



You watch yourself or you will be banished to Vestal.

Also, they did not destroy the Iroquois Confederation, those interlopers who stole this land from the Hurons, it was alcohol, the original plagues/diseases, superior technology and numerical superiority.
Stop blaming our sacred spud. and Knock off the Anti-Irish screed.

Now say you're sorry.
[Wait til your father gets home]

TheWinWarblist said...

They really are making it a challenge to keep rooting for the Yankees.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

You nailed it Winnie, at this point I have a burning contempt for the entire Yankee organization. I'm sure I'll climb aboard (if) once the season begins, but I've never been this ambivalent about this team.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Just when you thought, "There's no way I could hate Yankees management more," they once again exceed expectations.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

FWIW, I don't think pizza rat is an embarrassment at all. Plucky little fella.

Doug K. said...

Mr. Duque,

While I agree with the bulk of your sentiment there was one thing that I feel I must chime in on...

"But a ballclub? Nah. It's all about selling commemorative swag, and frankly, it exploits and demeans the fans."

First of all, the name was chosen by the fans as part of a promotion. Sort of a Boaty McBoatface kind of thing and I think they chose wisely.

Secondly, I was there for that game. I purchased not one, not two, but three SI Pizza Rats hats. One for me, one for my son (who also attended) and one for a friend who was supposed to attend but could not due to a non-pizza related illness.

While I didn't wear the cap often I was always amused by it. Now I will wear it with pride as a FU to the powers that be.

So I don't feel exploited. I feel empowered. Take it to the man!

Doug K. said...


Historical Note:

The Hurons were actually wiped out by the Beef on Wick.

DickAllen said...

The Pizza Rat is a New Yorker, and like his brethren the pigeon and the squirrel, they are native sons. All three are tough resilient, smart and resourceful.

Unlike the Putz Triumvirate that run our estimable organization:

Booooooone is from California, The Intern is from Rockville Center (which is technically Mutts Country) and Harold was born in Indiana.

Imposters all three: and now we know the real reason for their dislike of the Pizza Rat: jealousy. They will always be outsiders. Country bumpkins. Schmucks.

Years ago, I met a lovely redhead at a party in Manhattan. It was clear we were headed toward a naked night together until she found out I lived in Brooklyn. Her sneer at the word "Brooklyn" deflated my engorged manhood (this was before Brooklyn became Brooklyn). Until I discovered she was from Cincinnati and it was my turn to sneer back at her. I quickly got my mojo back.

People who come to New York from the more quaint corners of the corn field immediately assume airs as though they were born to the manor, and look down on those of us who were born with concrete under our feet.

Damn them all, especially redheads from Cincinnati.


HoraceClarke66 said...

Before we left New Jersey for Massachusetts, we learned all about the local Native Americans, who were the Leni Lenape. This was was very depressing to me. I had seen all kinds of shows about the fierce Apaches and Sioux and Cheyenne, peoples who wiped out cavalry units and resisted empires.

Leni Lenape? It sounded like the name of a nightclub comic.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And as a taxpayer in NYC, I'm more than embarrassed. I'm pissed.

The city forked over millions to build the Steinbrenner clan a free stadium on Staten Island. Only to see the Yanks abandon it. It's the city that should be suing Foodstamps HAL.

Dantes said...

This right there. They destroyed ferry parking for a stadium no one is going to care about

Unknown said...

El Duque, I beg to differ. What embarasses the Yankes is the cheapskate owner and the overrated GM. The ass kissing of Mike Fishman, who knows nothing about Baseball. The lack of much talent in The Yankees minors. The inability to win in the playoffs. Much more than Pizza Rats.