Thursday, August 18, 2022

It's over, done, kaput, and good riddance. (Correction)

(Editor's Note: This post has been slightly amended.)

Enough! No more! I quit! 

This team is dead to me. From now on, I'm ghosting these losers.

That 10th-inning, bases-clearing double by their No. 9 hitter... that meltdown by El Chapo... the continuing inability to hit in the clutch... nope... I'm done! I have effectively removed myself from the Yankiverse.  

When Aroldis Chapman blew last night's game, something snapped. Before another Tampa batter could step in, I clicked off the TV, installed a Parental Control block on all Yankee-keyword applications on my computer and laptop, deleted the YES app on my phone and smart TV, wiped links to all Yankee websites and sports outlets, canceled the NY Times and the local rag, then took a Louisville Slugger to the vintage AM radio that for 50 years had served as my portal into the Master & Suzyn's universe. It had been appraised at $100,000 on Antiques Roadshow, but I don't care. I'm just glad to be done with this sorry team. 

I know what you're thinking: But El Duque, shouldn't you at least have waited- DON'T 'BUT-EL-DUQUE' ME, YOU SPINELESS TOADIE. Today, I am FREE of that sorry bunch of losers. No more Hicks. No more  Gleyber. And most of all, NO MORE DONALDSON. That guy... Haha, I'm done, done, done. Trust me here, because I've been a fan all my life, and I can tell you, as sure as the sun is coming up, HE WILL NEVER, EVER, GET ANOTHER HIT FOR US. And I'm free, you hear me? Free, haahahahaha.  

You know what? I don't even know what the final score was last night, and I don't want to know. My guess is Tampa scored four or five MORE runs - the final score was probably 10-4, and I hope they rubbed it in. I hope the Rays pissed all over home plate, dancing in front of the, say, 50 fans still in attendance. 

Lemme tell you... this has been a long time coming. But for the sake of mental health, I must simply accept defeat, detach from this hell-spawned team, and move on. 

The NY Football Giants' season will soon begin! That Daniel Jones! He's amazing! I'm seeing a big year, sky's the limit! 

As for the Yan- NO, I WON'T EVEN SAY THEIR NAME. As for that soulless bunch of deadbeats, whose name I shall not speak, they can rot in hell, as far as I'm concerned. I'm free, do you hear me? FREE! HAHAHAHAHA!

Big game tonight. Hope it doesn't rain.

Say, anybody out there know  how to fix vintage AM radios? 

32 comments:

Gary Frenay said...

(-:

Celerino Sanchez said...

Chapman certainly pitched with conviction last night or like a convicted man, whatever Matt Blake said.

ranger_lp said...

Better that you don't know....

billard02cue said...

That's Ok we don't need you.

el duque said...

I don't understand...

Knicks look solid! Big year!

Hinkey Haines said...

Apparently Chapman’s conviction was overturned.

Parson Tom said...

we are doomed.

Buhner's Ghost said...

Follow me to Seattle! Loveable, plucky and on the rise! We need creative thinkers like you, and best of all, we're polite!

Doug K. said...

So they bring up Oswaldo Cabrera...

It's interesting that both Donaldson and Gleyber hit HRs after they got a look at their potential replacement.

Estevan Florial made a nice play. I actually feel sorry for Hicks BTW. This is the second day in a row that the YES broadcast showed him on the bench. Head in hands. Broken and filled with despair.

He is despondent. I know he only came through in rare streaks but he did have some great moments with us and now his time is pretty much over. Maybe his career as well.

Yes he made a lot of money and that will help him "get over it" but, right now in the moment, it's a terrible thing to watch.

Carl J. Weitz said...

El Duque, If there was a worse GM than Cashman in NYC it had to be Gefilte Fish Gettleman. Great signing of Kenny Golliday, too. $ 13 million per and no TDs last year and apparently he can't catch the football even in practice. $ 52 million guaranteed. He put the G-Men in a inescapable salary cap bind until 2024 unless they cut more capable players. Oh...and another porous O-line-again this year. Danny Dimes will become Danny Dead before the final whistle blows in late December.

The Archangel said...

CJ Weitz, all that you say is correct, but the great thing about football is a couple of drafts managed by good GM can make your team respectable virtually overnight. The "bad plays bad" scenario in the schedule helps too.

That doesn't happen in baseball.

The best thing for the GMen is to suck enough to get a top 7 draft pick and grab a top QB.

ranger_lp said...

I guess the game will be a Yankee Classic...the Yanks are 2,693-0 in Yankee Classic games...

Doug K. said...

Ranger - good one.

Carl - Yes Gettleman is one of the worst GM's ever, but at least the Giants had the good sense (eventually) to dump him and take a bold new direction. Cashman hasn't delivered since 2009.

Then there was Phil Jackson while not technically GM he pretty much destroyed the Knicks when he was in charge.

And don't get me started on Yankees Farm Director George Pfister

JM said...

An enviable record, Ranger. Another big achievement in the team's glorious history.

I have to hand it to Donaldson. That was clutch. And there was a lot of cargo on base.

Chapman, though. Yuck. But he has looked okay in no-pressure, earlier inning appearances. Not a closer anymore, though. Head case.

Where the hell is Beeks...I mean, Schmidt? Whose roster spot are we saving, Abreu's? The Cashman idiocy continues.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Pretty funny, Duque! I actually was out late, stuck on interminable subways back from Brooklyn, and did not get the word until I got home.

And yes, what to do for a closer? If only we had Robertson...

DickAllen said...


Last night's improbable win can only mean one thing: The Intern is a genius for acquiring Donaldson. He will be rewarded in the off-season with a new 3-year contract.

We are fucked.

BTR999 said...

Doug: right on about the Giants! Can you imagine Gettleman as GM for 25 years. brrrr!

We needed that win last night like the flower needs the rain. Is it just a blip, or will the team begin to play better? I’m afraid the same problems are still here, and cameo appearances by Florial and Cabrera won’t move the needle much. Tonight, time for Montas to step up in his first YS start for us. I’m afraid the Jays will rock several HR’s off him, and our sputtering offense will never catch up as Boone dozes fitfully in the dugout.

AboveAverage said...

What WE need is a big aerosol can of Cashman rappellent.

The Hammer of God said...

@Doug K. Yep, I thought the same thing about Donaldson & Torres, a potential replacement comes up, and they hit. Rizzo too, by the way. Healthy competition is a good thing. It can keep everyone on their toes. Not saying that this will turn it around. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But at least for one lousy game, they did hit and score some runs. They should've promoted a whole bunch of guys earlier in the year. Not waited 'til the last possible moment before self-destruction. And where would they have fit in the new players in the roster? Well, some of the worst players have to be demoted, traded, or released. That simple.

Other thoughts concerning this Tampa series:

Notice that Tampa had Arozerena, probably their best hitter, in the 3 slot for the entire series. And he hit a 3 run homer in the 1st inning of Saturday's game. And that was their only scoring of that game, which was enough for them to win the game.

The Tampons finally blew one against the Yankees. It was almost like the polarities were reversed last night. This was a very big loss for the Tampons. Had they won, they would've been knockin' on the door. A two game swing.

So the sorry ass Yankees finally won a game. We'll see how long the good feelings last against the Blue Jays. Big four game series, with the potential to sink the season if they get swept.

ZacharyA said...

Blue Jays have been bad lately too. Lost 9 of 14 this month so far.

They just moved Yusei Kikuchi to the bullpen after giving him 3-yr/$36M this offseason. That move looks terrible in retrospect. Also, giving Jose Berrios a $131M extension just to watch him put up a 5.61 ERA has to sting.

Bo Bichette and Cavan Biggio were so hyped originally, but now look more like role players than stars.

Vlad's at 25 HR after 48 HR last year. Guess hitting in major league parks is a bit harder, eh?

After "winning the offseason" the Jays find themselves only eight games over .500. Nice to see.

I don't see either team pulling off a sweep with how they've played lately. I guess I should be grateful for a split since it maintains our 10-game lead.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Duque, if you want to root for a winner, check out the Cardinals. This guy Montgomery that they picked up at the trade deadline won his 3rd game in as many starts since becoming a Cardinal.

Oh. Wait.

ranger_lp said...

Nice to have run support eh LBJ?

The Hammer of God said...

@ZacharyA, I think the Yankees would be very fortunate to split. If the hitting woes continue, Blue Jays win at least 3 of 4. And it becomes just a matter of when they blow 1st place.

The Hammer of God said...

Lots of young players on the Cardinals. They're looking real good.

JM said...

The Dodgers are a behemoth. Even with the big moves by San Diego--Juan who?--they're just a powerhouse. Not perfect, they're relying on Kimbrall to close, and that's about as dicey as our current situation.

I guess it's the old "anything can happen in a short series," but I think the Mets and Cards will be outmatched against LA. Not the LA Angels of Anaheim in California, America, of course.

Ceeja said...

I love this fucking team

Hazel Motes said...

Like Cashman and Boone, duque is suffering from recency bias--otherwise known as Frantic Fan Disorder.

Hazel Motes said...

Hammer of God: Arozarena is NOT necessarily the Rays' best current hitter. He had the fourth best OPS in last night's starting lineup. I'm sure the Rays vary their number-two hitter based on lefty-righty splits, ballpark factors, etc.

MJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hazel Motes said...
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Carl J. Weitz said...

@ Arch...They don't make GMs like George Young and Ernie Acorsi anymore. At least the Giants can't seem to find them.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Doug...isn't it ironic...Jackson was a guru and genius until he had shit players in the Knicks . Then not so much.
Conversely, Torre was " Clueless Joe" while managing the Mets but wheh he managed the Yankees with all those stars, he became great. Funny how players can make or break a reputation.