Wednesday, August 17, 2022

With the loss column lead down to eight, only one word describes the Yankee human condition


Go ahead, Tampa. Sweep away!  

Unleash the dogs. Ryan McBroom! Bring us closer to an end to this shitshow.

That's right, shitshow - a purely American, never more relevant, all-star word. Politics? Shitshow. Media? Shitshow. Yankees? A show of shit.

Yeah, go for it, Rays. Make it hurt. Make it insane. Make the sound of booing so loud, so earsplitting, that it echoes all the way to Tampa, where Shallow Hal counts his money.  

Why such shitty thoughts? Well, we're watching the worst Yankee collapse since 2004, and - frankly - if we blow this, it will be worse than what Boston did to us. (By the way, have you noticed; once they stopped playing a tomato can, the Redsocks are back to losing.) 

I'm serious. I can't take it any more. The Yankees are so bad - so decomposing- mayonnaise-level rancid - that they have achieved the impossible: I'm actually yearning for the NY Football Giants' season to begin. 

Let me repeat that odious, out-of-body statement:

The Yankees are so bad that I'm actually yearning for the Giants. 

Dear God, what's next? Should I become a Knicks fan? Root for the Jets? October will get lonely, folks, as only fan in Gotham not obsessed with the Mets, who tries to manufacture happy memories when Joe Namath shouts, "Call now! It's FREE!" 

Shitshow. Everywhere...

1. So, now... after all this wasted time - the 14 wasted HRs and 32 wasted SBs in Scranton - as Hicks transformed into the new Gallo, the Death Barge is said to be promoting Estevan Florial? 

Leave it to Brian Crashman: Wait until the flood before you buy the boat. Right now, could the Yanks even play Hicks without inciting a riot? And here comes poor Florial, who should have been here last month, facing a no-win conundrum. If he succeeds, he embarrasses the Yankee brain trust, a ticket to KC. If he fails, well, Crashman boasts that he told us so, Hicks rides to the rescue, and it's just another ludicrous chapter in the shitshow.

2. Clay Holmes is apparently going on the Injured List. He says his back is barking. That and his ERA. He's been terrible, sliding from all-star closer to batting practice gopher ball machine. He's needed a rest for two weeks. We'll probably promote Ron Marinaccio, who - like Florial - should have been here weeks ago. If he succeeds, we screwed up. If he fails, shitshow. 

3. Then there is Ruth Bader-Bootsberg, walking on eggshells. Insert sigh here. This is not his fault. We should not hold it against him. They say Harrison Bader vows to return in September, and a) What does that even mean?) b) The Yankees always underestimate healing times and c) In a period when we are desperate for a hitter, we're breathlessly waiting on a glove guy who bats .256 with 5 HRs. WTF have we done?

Shitshow.

18 comments:

Parson Tom said...

never have I ever. the absolute worst. not as horrific as 2004, except it's going to stretch out over 2 months before they clean out their lockers.

it's a curse to be the best team in May.

DickAllen said...



Gene Mauch is on the edge of his seat.

DickAllen said...



And, dollars to donuts, The Intern gets a three-year deal.

DickAllen said...



It’s too late baby, it’s too late, though we really did try to make it. Something inside has died and I can’t hide and I just can’t take it.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Who would have thought at the beginning of the season that Stanton, Donaldson, Rizzo, Hicks & Severino would either suck and or be hurt. (And mind you 4 of those are back next year). The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again expecting and different result. I guess now that the AAA guys are close to AARP benefits they can be brought up, because god knows that 20/21 yr olds can't play in the majors. And one last thing, Sears pitched 5 innings of scoreless ball last night. Good grief.

ZacharyA said...

Yankees are calling up Estevan Florial and Oswaldo Cabrera so that's something at least.

ranger_lp said...

Yes @Dick....time to channel the ghost of Gene Mauch...

MIK said...

Remember whan the Yankees hired Dillon Lawson as new hitting coach in December? Cashman said: “I feel like we are down the tracks with our major league coaching staff. We’re dotting I’s and crossing T’s. That’s something that will be revealed here if it’s permissible at some point.” “There are loads of technology and analytics and data which we are on top of,’’ Cashman said two years ago. “What we are not on top of, we will close the gap.’’

Lawson told The Times-Tribune of Scranton, Pa., in July that the organization’s goal was “to square the ball up more, which in turn is going to increase average exit velos.”

Well, we are into mid to late August now. How has that been working for us?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I had 83 wins this season. Definitely reachable goal.

Doug K. said...

"The Yankees are so bad that I'm actually yearning for the Giants. "

Tell me about it.

In the meantime... Florial is up and replaces Hicks.

Cabrera is up as well and while he is supposed to spell IKF and Gleyber, what they should do is put IKF back at 3rd (Where he is Gold Glove caliber) bench Donaldson and play Cabrera at short.

Oh and Marinaccio is back. Why he was sent down to begin with is just another in a long long list of stupid.

BTR999 said...

Rufus, you are now officially an optimist!

BTR999 said...

Holmes to the IL, awaiting decision on DJLM.

AboveAverage said...

I think that DJ hurt his big toe by repeatedly thrusting it into Holmes' lower back.

(Those crazy kids)

JM said...

This team sucks.

Cashman is incompetent.

Boone is an idiot, but may be better than I previously thought. Cashman calls the shots, and Boone doesn't seem to always agree.

Hal is a fuckwad.

The Archangel said...

Someone must finally understand that Cashman lacks "it"
and Boone is a poser who won't bitch out his players because, well that would be bullying

Kevin said...

Lawson told The Times-Tribune of Scranton, Pa., in July that the organization’s goal was “to square the ball up more, which in turn is going to increase average exit velos.”


You gotta fucking be kidding me. Managers before Connie Mack knew this as a matter of course. This is "analytics"? What this is, is using high-speed cameras, and slapping age old physics equations to it and telling the players 'OK, got it"? New Age horseshit. The Public, battered nightly by ESPN's propaganda show of highlights believe that baseball (all sports) has never been better. Goebbels must be smiling.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Kevin,

Do you mean to reference Euclid or Newton?

The Hammer of God said...

Seems Lawson is the hitting coach equivalent of Matt Blake. Lots of technical analysis, and maybe some results, especially earlier in the season. But in the heat of a pennant race, in the midst of devastating slumps, answers seem to be in short supply.