Friday, May 17, 2024

Top 10 ridiculously upbeat takeaways from yesterday's Yankee victory, ranked, (because you don't change underwear during a streak)

 1. We won.

2. Anthony Blinken Volpe has reached magical .270 BA, fulcrum point of global stardom that separates the  careers of Kissinger and Rumsfeld Marcell Ozuna (.270) and Brandon Nimmo (.267.) Not long ago, he was tracking Condoleezza Rice Horace Clarke - the real one, not the esteemed IIH prophet - at .256. Don't want to jinx the guy, but what if Volpe IS the Yankee Gold Glove SS/leadoff hitter for next five years? (And what if I'm the Easter Bunny?) 

Also, Volpe now tied for 5th in AL for stolen bases. Is it my imagination or does he run too infrequently, because of the immediate firepower following him?

3. Clarke Schmidt pitched 8 shutout innings. Three hits. Are we dreaming this? Yanks now have four starters (Schmidt, Gil, Rodon, Stroman) in MLB Top 20 for ERA. For now, Nasty Nestor is our weakest link. I certainly don't want to jinx this, by raising ridiculous expectations, but what if this is the Second Coming of Koufax & Drysdale, Maddox-Glavine-Smoltz, um, Clemens/Pettite/Cone/El Duque (not the esteemed IIH prophet)

4. Down at Single A Tampa, in the shadow of the Dali Museum, where men roll cigars off of women's breasts, and the sinkholes are filled with African pythons, The Martian yesterday went 2-4 with two singles. He is now 3-for-7 in his minor league rehab. 

5. Yanks rebirthed mastery of Twinkies, just like old times. Remember the halcyon days of Trevor Plouffe and Kurt Suzuki? Ahh... 'Sota.

6. Last seven days, Aaron Judge is hottest hitter in baseball - OPS of 1.593. No other Yankee in the Top 30. He is approaching .270!

7. Asked by Jack Curry yesterday if Yanks would consider signing Juan Soto to a midseason contract extension, Hal Steinbrenner said basically nothing. Door is always open, always ready to answer the phone, that Taylor Swift is really something, where's my car keys?, blah blah blah... Interesting that the Yankees would open TV discussions while Soto is slumping. Hoping for a "What have you done lately?" discount?

8. Storms hitting Houston, flooding everywhere, a million people without power. You reap what you sow, Astros!

9. Actually, here's hoping Texas storms recede and nobody gets hurt. Yankee fans are too moralistic and statesmanlike to demand petty revenge. 

10. Actually, I wouldn't mind rampant basement flooding, which leaves a stench and is very nasty. (Fun fact: We won't play Astros again this year.)  Let it rain!


TheWinWarblist said...

Minnesota is always so accommodating. Such good hosts.

But crap-almighty their center fielder is clueless out there.

Fuck CashBrain.

AboveAverage said...

Houston - YOU have a problem.

JuJu can you see me
Can I help to cheer you

We now love Boone
Watch us all swoon
When he enters the room
Number ONE in June
NO it’s not too soon
To start eating with a spoon
As we show the league our Broom

Can I get any one a coffee?

TheWinWarblist said...

I could use a cappuccino. One sugar.

AboveAverage said...

Your order is ready for pick up, WinslowWarblist.

It includes a six piece pastry sampler.

JM said...

Castro has never been a centerfielder, to be fair. He's basically an infielder. And boy, did he look it, as he botched one play after another out in center. I think Kay said Manuel Margot was supposed to be the regular center fielder after the Twinks got him from LA, but he's been hitting worse than Lamont Cranston's Margo (I'm over here, Margo)--a torrid .138 in May with a .138 OBP. The Shadow knows that that stinks.

So yesterday, Margot was out in center, a defensive upgrade, and went 0 for 3.

Maybe next time the Twins should look for an outfielder named Lenore, Britt Reid's secretary in The Green Hornet. I mean, her nickname was "Casey" Case, so Lenore instead of Margot would seem like a no-brainer.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Make mine a martini. I insist on delivery. #2 piazza di Santo Stefano. Firenze.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Pretty hilarious, Duque!

And one thing you can count on with the Texas floods, which I would not wish on nobody?

No representative from EITHER PARTY in the Northeastern states will stand up in Congress and say that the federal relief package is too expensive, then vote against it.

But every time a natural disaster hits us...

JM said...

Precisely, Hoss.

ranger_lp said...

This weekend it's the Shy White Sox. We're good for a letdown loss tonight...hope that's not the case...

BTR999 said...

Volpe not running has more to do with orders from analytics. They HATE sb’s almost as much as they hate bunting. Something/Something about giving away outs, hey don’t worry about players hitting into dp’s. See the regime of the great Billy Beane, who’s never won shit while presiding over one of the worst organizations in professional sports.

Pocono Steve said...

With a sweep of the hapless White Sox, we could actually pull ahead--however temporarily--of the glorious 2022 team's torrid spring pace.

TheWinWarblist said...

These people have to re-learn pitching around Judge?

TheWinWarblist said...


We do not bandy about the "S word."

Hal? Fuck him.

TheWinWarblist said...

Nestor is having a successfully wily game. Love the wily veterans. Even picked a runner off second. Now that's wily!

CashBrain isn't wily. He a fuckface fucking fucker, so fucking fuck him that fucker.

TheWinWarblist said...

And who the fuck is on the Yankee radio feed??

TheWinWarblist said...

I feel like I'm talkin' to myself, fuck it all.

TheWinWarblist said...

The UHUHUHUHUHUHUH AAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH Yankees win not that any of you old curmudgeons are paying attention!!