FIRST BLOOD Pitch Coach Gets Hook CASH-MUM WON'T SAY WHY

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No World Series on TV? Oh No! Yankee fans caught in terrible Cablevision-Fox money dispute

Horror! Damnation! Blasphemy! Says today's Times...

The feud between Cablevision and the News Corporation has already resulted in an extraordinarily long blackout of programming. Now it threatens to shut Cablevision customers out of the World Series.



This is terrible news, just terrible! No Giants-Rangers games on TV?

Hard to imagine. But... hey... if that's the price we Yankee fans must pay for justice in cable revenues... so be it! We at IT IS HIGH say this:
 
Fight on, valiant lawyers! Do not give one single inch!
 
The war for justice in TV revenue shall be won by the team that holds out the longest!
 
If you cave in, you'll be laughingstocks!
 
Make your mothers proud. Go hard. Go deep. Go long! 

Girardi's greatest 2010 ACLS achievement: "... No attacks on America during my term."

NEW YORK _ Yank manager Joe Girardi -- acknowledging his team's unexpectedly disasterous, pathetic blowout losses, one after another, at the hands of a middling AL West franchise linked to offshore drilling -- sad he's proud that terrorists didn't attack America, kill millions and launch World War III during his 2010 ACLS.

"In that regard, I consider the series a complete success!" a jubilant Girardi told reporters, as he took a victory lap Sunday and cleaned out his locker, once and for good. Several times, Girardi raised the famous information "binder" that led to his legendary decision-making prowess. "Somehow -- I think it was through Marcus Thames -- we staved off worldwide genocide!"

Giradi said his decisions to leave Phil Hughes in too long, to pitch AJ Burnett too much, to bring in David Robertson too often and to lose to Texas -- a four-game sweep somehow splayed out over six painful games -- played a secret role in ensuring America's safety.

"I thought of missing the playoffs entirely, because we'd draft higher and make it easier to justify buying Cliff Lee, but that's not Yankee baseball," Girardi said. "And if people are mad about the final outcome, well, if those damn terrorists blew up the world, there would be no World Series! Has anybody thought of that?"

Cry

If the yankees send a letter of goodbye
It's no secret you'll feel better if you cry
When waking from a bad dream
Don't you sometimes think it's real?
But it's only outright hatred for Nolan Ryan that you feel

If your starting pitchers seem to hang every pitch
And your hitters keep going down without a hitch
Remember the off season is the time to refit
So let your pants down and go take a good shit

Today's New York Daily News Hot Topics

Take heart, Yankee fans! The season's over, but we're still alive in today's NYDNHT!

World Serious

Let''s think about this upcoming Yankeeless matchup:

Who should Bombers fans favor?

Hmmmmm.

Root for the Giants with Yankees great Dave Righetti?



...and Yanks stalwart Roberto Kelly?


Or Texas, with this clown?



Do the math!

"Yankees Thoroughly Beaten By Rangers," Jeter Admits

In a candid first, Derek Jeter admitted yesterday on air, and for attribution, that the Rangers were better than the Yankees in every regard.

They hit more consistently, and with more power and timeliness.

They pitched better.

They ran the bases better.

They had more heart and energy.

They showed far better speed and defense.

They were healthier and more fit.

They were younger.

However, I will wager this;

Our clubhouse buffet was better.

We have more Cadillac Escalades in our team parking lot.

We pay the IRS more.

We have Joba and his "I have no idea what I'm going to do next," look.

We have Brian Cashman.

We may have Joe Girardi.

Yankee excitement already building for 2011

Hey, only 150-something days until pitchers and their surgeons report, or the first fake game, or the Winter Meetings, or the opening spray-painted obscenity on Bud Selig's bronze statue in Milwaukee.

I can't wait to see Cashman repaint our Sistine canvas. Who will be the Javier Vazquezes and Nick Johnsons of 2011! Is Tanyon Sturze pitching for the Newark Bears? Has Scott Proctor burned his uniform lately? Wait a minute: Carl Pavano! He was a beloved team lugnut in Minnesota. We can sign Johnny Gomes...

Paul Quantrill...

Derek Lowe...

What's on TV tonight? No games to intervene! It's our old Sunday night life. Disney's World of Color. Smothers Brothers. Bonanza...

Only 150something days until the first Lupica column calling out AJ Burnett. Only 150something days until John Sterling's next Little Debbie Snack Cake Seventh. Fifteen minutes will save 15 percent. Get excited, everybody! Only 150something days until we're driven by Jeep. Yahoo! I'm soooooooooooooo fooooooooooooooocking happy!

I Told You Guys ( and Babes ) It Would Happen Like This

This was no surprise.

Worse, we are all going to think the same thing next season:

1. Derek will have another great year.

2. A-Rod will find his power.

3. Jorge is still our starter.

4. A powderfuff outfield, with speed at two spots, is plenty.

5. Mo and Andy will still be

great ( this one is likely correct ).

6. Joba will find his mojo.

7. Hughes can win with fewer than a 9 run lead.

We've heard it now for two years. And because it all came together last

year ( hmmmm; although it was Damon and Matsui who won it for us ), Cash and his execs will think they just need to bring in one starting pitcher and several more Nick Johnsons; Javy Lopez's; Boone Logan's; Sergio Mitre's, etc. and we'll be back in the hunt.

The reality is this;

A. Derek, A-Rod, Jorge are not dangerous enough anymore.

B. Cano and Tex are the goods.

C. CC, Mo and Andy can still do it. But only CC has a long career remaining.

D. Hughes is probably our best long reliever, as he gets his bell rung in inning 5 all the time.

E. AJ is a waste and should be dealt.

F. Joba's star went out after his first year. I'd rather drink with him now than watch him pitch.

G. Grandy, Gardiner and Swisher are fun, try hard, come through once in a while, but are not a fearsome bunch.

H. Jesus isn't going to be ready. Cervelli can't hit and is only a marginal improvement over Jorge on defense. Lance is slower than Jorge and can't hit at all as a righty.

I. Ivan will never win more than 8 games as a full time starter.

J. Bettances, Brackman and that other minor league pitcher whose name no one can

recall ( because his accomplishments are tainted ) will be "ok" in spring training, but won't make the team. None of these guys will ever be the next anybody.

K. Mitre will be hurt and have more surgery next April.

L. We have no one in the minors who can help in a meaningful way.

M. If the Rangers win it all, Lee will have no motivation to come to the Yankees.

N. Here is the greatest long-term danger; everyone now can see that the Yankees are beginning a lengthy transition to mediocrity. The superstars who have never won a championship will no longer say, " I'm going to become a free agent, join the Yankees and win my ring." So they won't come. No more Tiexiera's will be interested, but there will always be plenty more Kevin Browns ready to cash in.

We are finished for a decade. Longer, if Cashman reverts to form and signs former superstars whose days are gone, but who want the money and love to sulk.

At least Boston didn't beat us this time.

Actually, losing to George Bush is worse.

Yankeetorial: It had to happen this way

Fate waits.
While you hurry
Or while you wait.

It's all the same to fate.
-- John Irving --

"Setting Free the Bears"

Now that it's done, it seems so simple, so clean, so obvious: The 2010 Yankees were always destined to disappoint. They had nothing in common with 2009 -- no banana creme walkoffs, no emerging footnote characters, no tarnished stars seeking redemption... no fate.

Other teams, even the Rays, died gasping and grasping, spitting vinegar. Our lone shining moment -- Game One -- resulted from Ranger pitchers who could not throw strikes. We lost four times without even mounting final challenges.

All season, John Sterling lamented the warning signs...

No name pitchers beat us.

We failed to move baserunners.

Once behind, we just started looking to tomorrow.

And now... there is none.

For four months, we were baseball's best team. Yet without deadline salary-dumps, we would have missed the playoffs.

For six months, we laughed as injuries decimated Boston. Yet in September, we just barely held them off.

Fate. It was always lurking.

We had no prodigal son, no mythic hero. Javier Vazquez was supposed to achieve redemption. Joba and Hughes were supposed to ascend into manhood. Jeet and Jorge were supposed to have one last October.

Alas, fate proved Yogi wrong.

It was over long ago. We just refused to see it.

Juan Williams Reporting Live From The Rangers' Locker Room Celebration

Happy Trails To You

Happy trails to you
Until we build something together again
Happy trails to you
I won't be smiling until then
Who cares about the clouds when we're in agony?
Just sing a song, spend the dough and bring us lee.
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.

The Scene In Monument Park

As We Sit Here Today.......

Are you listening, A-Rod?

Are you showing a baseball pulse anymore?

You are our Cliff Lee tonight.

I will await results in a bar.

Ever Wonder What Nolan Ryan Was Doing Behind His High Leg Kick?

Yankitorial: Mr. Bud "Baseball is more popular than ever!" Selig ought to spend more time thinking about fans and less time trying to kill their websites

OK, we'll admit it, we're still sore about MLB killing all our John Sterling content on YouTube. They killed everything -- everything -- even stuff they had no rights to touch. Oh well, that's history. That's their legacy: Squeeze a dime from every loyal fan, and if they don't cough up worthy tribute -- unleash the Kraken. Lawyers, that is. They don't work for nothing.

This week, MLB suffered a Carl Paladinoan embarrassment with the stunning disclosures that its post-season TV ratings fell below Monday Night Football's dismal battle between the Tennessee Whatevers and the Jacksonville Jacksonians. Yep: The numbers say America would rather watch chemically-altered mutants subject themselves and their families to Second Stage Alzheimers by age 35 -- than see the Yankees -- yes, after Blackwater Killer Inc., the most loved and hated team of men on earth -- play George W. Bush's fantasy Rangers in the ALCS.

Meanwhile, the talking hairpiece known as Bud Selig turns up everywhere, telling microphones in miniskirs how successful he is as Commissioner. It's like the Rent Is Too Damn High Party candidate saying he'll be the next governor of New York. Now that Mel Gibson has been bounced out of "The Hangover 2" movie, Selig should be hired for the Mike Tyson, nutjob celebrity cameo opening. He probably owns a tiger.

Let MLB's sad ratings remind everybody of Selig's and baseball's state of mind.

The Yankees-Rangers series is being aired on TBS. Yes, cable TV. That means millions of fans -- middle class fans and families without the means to pay $60 a month for Jersey Shore and Project Runway-- cannot watch the playoffs. To MLB, they don't exist.

My family doesn't get TBS. Nope. We're not on the grid to buy luxury boxes or $39.95 T-shirts. So... the hell with us.

Of course, some of us have the money -- we just don't want to spent it on news channels that claim the President is a Muslim and flying saucers walk among us. Or to paraphrase Woody Allen, we'd rather pay people to pick up the garbage than pay for it to be funneled it into our living rooms.

The playoff ratings are a debacle, an embarrassment, but hey -- who cares? Baseball squeezed out a few more dimes. Next July, teams can spend a little more on the 16-year-old Latino boys, down in those Caribbean plantation systems, and the owners -- the billionaires who pretend to be millionaires -- can spend their Yankee luxury tax money to put Wi-Fi in their antique boats. This winter, when it gets cold in Syracuse, maybe we can wear tricke-down-filled parkas, eh?

A part of me almost wants San Francisco to play Texas in the World Series. Let's see what kind of ratings that match-up brings.

Nolan Ryan Is Too Damn Cocky

Kevin Youkilis Is Too Damn Ugly