Tuesday, October 30, 2012

A week after the lights went out, the lights go out

We warned everybody. We told the world: Bad stuff happens when the Yankees lose. Look at history. Look at every period of war and famine over the last 90 years, and you'll find misery accompanying every period of Danny Tartabull and Bob Shirley. It's in the book, folks.  You can look it up.  But did the world listen? No. The weather be damned, Detroit wanted its flag. Earthquake or none, San Francisco wanted its ring. Now, the power is out. Well, it went out two weeks ago.

What now? What do you say after this? Words in a blog - who cares? They're just words in a blog.

For the record, folks, IT IS HIGH is not a real Yankee blog. It is a satire of a Yankee blog. We never take ourselves seriously, except in one capacity: Our love for the Yankees. That is not satire. Which means - according to the rules, as we see them - that we have as much integrity as any Yankee blog. Maybe more - if we don't take ourselves serious, even when we sound like we do. Confusing? You should see it from this end, comrades. But we go on. We always go on.

But today - as we wait for the big blow to come our way, around 2 a.m. Wednesday, according to the Cronkites - all we can do is miss that Great Escape that the Yankees not long ago provided: The Master crooning a victory, that damn Pedro Feliciano tweaking a gonad, Mariano mulling a comeback, Joba on a minitramp with Lil Joba - ahhh, that perfect world, where nothing matters but a base hit. It would be so nice to have that world now. But it's over. The lights are out.

Bad things happen when the Yankees lose, folks. You could look it up. Maybe next year the world will understand.

(And, dammit, ONE MORE THING: We need to sign that Japanese kid who throws 100 mph. We've sat out the last five years of big ticket free agent prospects, and that's not the Yankee way. Where the hell were we on that Chapman kid? Where the hell were we on Yu "Whirling" Darvish?  Where the hell were we on Humanis Centipedis? Jorge Solar? Dammit, WE NEED THAT JAPANESE KID WHO THROWS 100 MPH. COME ON, STEINBROTHERS, YOU'VE GOT THE MONEY. YOU CAN'T NEED ANOTHER NEW KITCHEN. HOW MANY NEW KITCHENS CAN YOU INSTALL. PEOPLE OUT THERE  ARE SUFFERING? LOOK AROUND! WE CAN'T GO BACK TO 1984. EITHER PAY THE MONEY OR SELL THE TEAM TO SOMEBODY WHO WILL. THIS IS THE NEW YORK YANKEES, NOT THE SACRAMENTO BEES. FOR GOD SAKE, DO SOMETHING. YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS US OFF. IF WE HAVE TO, WE'LL WADE TO THAT STUPID NEW STADIUM AND KEY YOUR CARS, OR SOMETHING. WE WANT THE KID. NOW.)


hermodorus said...

Rangers or red sox will sign otani. Just wait. And the fat korean "david wells" character.

el duque said...

We need both of them. It's time to rebuild New York, from the bottom up.

Tom from GA said...

I thought you said there's a new limit on spending for international stars? It would be great if they could and would go out and get one of these guys where the only price is money, but suddenly Steinbrenner is synonymous with tight as a tick. But don't despair: Carl Pavano is a free agent and might be available for a song.

el duque said...

There is a spending limit, but it's nothing that an owner who didn't mind paying fines couldn't get around.

joe de pastry said...

Spending limit for international free agents does not apply to everybody, but I don't understand who not everybody is.

Yeah, no not a robot indecipherable words!