Friday, October 19, 2012

Aux Armes Citoyens !

To arms, Yankee citizens !

I promise you that in spring training, 2013, Robinson Cano will be smiling and laughing; A-Rod will be spitting pumpkin seeds all over the field and collecting phone numbers from teenaged girls, Ganderson will be visiting a hospital for children of the corn, and all will be fat and happy in Yankeedom. Tex will again be working on opposite field hitting.

 I am assuming Swisher will already be elsewhere, perhaps pitching in Mexico.

Talk will be of "coming back" and "settling things."  You'll hear phrases like "focus, finishing, fighting and redemption." Joe Girardi and Cashman will talk of, "Getting back to Yankee baseball."

The Captain and Andy and MO will again play baseball as it should be played.  The others will be paying lip service to their financial advisors.

Here is our response:

1.  Every Yankee who egregiously failed in this playoff season, and who remains a Yankee in
2013, must be booed, wherever they are and for whatever they do.  Always. No quarter may be given, ever.

2.  Their failures, mental and physical, must "live in infamy" amongst Yankee fans.  I am willing to fund monuments in centerfield to eternally commemorate their ineptitude.  Yankee fans must, "never forget." Such a monument will place their disgusting performance next to our most honored Yankees. Through this contrast,  the stain of their playing careers will be etched in Yankee lore forever.  By a special grant, never will this new monument be washed of grime or pigeon crap.  A fitting tribute to these inept excuses for ballplayers.

3.  If Cano hits a walk-off homer against Boston, boo him.  If Tex makes an incredible defensive play, boo him.  When A-Rod comes out of the dugout, boo him.  If Granderson hits 3 homers and drives in 6 runs against Detroit, boo him every time.

4.  Let these failure/cowards know that they will never again be liked, much less loved, in NY or anywhere Yankee fans exist.

5.  If you see them on a street, or in a restaurant, shun them.  Use amish techniques or Mormon torture.

6.  If you own their jerseys or autographs, burn them publicly.  Get photos of such rituals in the papers. If you have children or pets, never buy a jersey bearing the name of one of these losers.

7. Go viral with our disdain. Post jersey and autograph burnings on U-Tube and Facebook.  Put them on Al Jazerra.  Enlist our enemies to boo these infidels ( that should be easy ).

7. Make them regret that they chose baseball as a profession.  The "Black Sox" team members will rank above them in history.  Make them understand that they are traitors to the game and no longer are welcome.

This needs to be national and forever.

These players ( I use that term derisively ) must learn that they no longer have, or can have, a positive legacy.  They have no reputation, any longer, as ballplayers, other than for cowardice and failure.

They did the worst thing you can do in sports;  they quit.  And they quit often and early and everyday.

When they leave the game, we can cheer again.


el duque said...

What about their familes? Should the women and children who enabled this travesty walk free? Or have you gone soft?

Alphonso said...

Good point. Sexual slaves to the troops coming home from Iraq

joe de pastry said...

Felt good to read the rant.
Now that we got that out of our system, what the hell do we do?
Trade every veteran we can for prospects [rebuild] or patch up the weakest spots with a few new guys [repair]? One thing for sure-we got to get younger, Too many old guys, prone to getting hurt or worn out by August, is not going to work.