Saturday, February 16, 2013

Eight games on Fox? The Yankees should tell MLB to find another demon team

Fox has released the 2013 schedule for its series of nationally televised “Deep Thoughts from Tim McCarver” symposiums. The poet/philosopher will beam down eight times, while back-dropped by contests of sportmanship, featuring the New York Yankees. Eight times.

If you’re scoring at home, the Yankees will be featured two more times than the San Francisco Giants. The reigning World Champion San Francisco Giants. Did Fox Sports get hat memo? Two Giants rings in recent years? Buster Poindexter, Buster Posey, something like that. Class? Oh, well… never mind.

Wait. That’s also two more national Yankee games than the abundantly ripped Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim will experience. Did Fox read the news? The Angels 2013 batting order reads: Trout, Hamilton, Pujols... Hello, Ruth and Gehrig. Fox apparently prefers, gulp, Travis Hafner.

Also, the Yankees will appear an infinite number of more games than the current AL East favorites, the Toronto Blue Melkys. So what's the rub, Bud? Why so many Yankee games?

Sometimes, in moments of supreme darkness, I wish the Yankees just collapsed for five years into a Carnival cruise lines/San Diego Padres/Donald Rumsfeld squalor. Give Bud, the pride of Milwaukee, exactly what he wants: A dead Yankee franchise. Fox can broadcast the intense rivalry between the Kansas City Royals and the Houston Astros, and MLB can absolutely dominate the Missouri/Central Texas market, while the rest of America watches soccer and French leper beach volleyball.

Listen: It could happen. The Yankees are ending the Mariano/Jeter era, and all the low-level prospects in captivity might not amount to one half a Francisco Cervelli. Look at all those young hitters Seattle and Cleveland obtained in trades for Cliff Lee. In fact, essay question of the day: Did any prospect ever traded for Cliff Lee amount to anything?

Of course, baseball wants it both ways. They want the Yankees to lose, while drawing the big fan base. Everybody loves or hates the Yankees. On a slow Monday night, break out the villains. In fact, Fox plans to run five games between the Yankees and Redsocks. Woah. Makes you shiver. Fourth place could be on the line! Fox better hope for bench-clearing brawls. Or maybe some Rod McKuen moments of lucidity from Tim the Dim. Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Tim McCarver said...

OK, Duque, you've got a point. Sometimes our telecasts and play-by-play have been a bit tedious. But this season we'll liven things up with some great outtakes! We've got some great footage of when I tricked Joe Buck into entering a biker bar filled with Hell's Angels. I'd pasted a "Mongols Rule!" sign on his back. Hah! Not even Stan Musial could've talked his way out the beating they gave Joe. And, we surprised Ken Rosenthal in his hotel room. Shot some great live footage of Ken pouring olive oil on an under-aged and naked St. Louis Cardinals ball girl. Looks like the authorities are determined to press charges. It will be a great 2013 season, and lots of seats are available!