Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Open Letter to Denzell Washington: For the Oscar build-up, buy Schilling's sock

Dear Mr. Washington,

In case you haven't heard, Curt Schilling's "bloody" sock is on the block. The current bid is $60,000.

To you, that's clam dip.

You, sir, are a great Yankee fan. You are a leader among Yankee fans. We look up to you. We follow you. And now - as Oscar weekend approaches, and you are preparing to battle Fenway fratboy Ben Affleck in mortal combat - you have a chance to do something for your people, for your tribe, and for the Yankee name.

Buy Curt Schilling's "bloody" sock.  Buy it right here. Go ahead, click. Now.

When you have obtained the sock, test it for blood. Frankly, I bet the blood type turns out to be Heinz 45. Expose the shyster for what he is: A fake bleeder.

Worst case, if it turns out to be blood, test it for steroids. Test it for Human Growth Hormone. Hell, let's test it for Viagra. Let's test it for early Alzheimers. Just keep testing it, testing it, testing it - pot, coke, Lipitor - Something will turn up. And then we've got him!

Seriously, this is payback! Not only that, but Schilling won't even bank a cent. It's all going to pay off his boondoggle debt to the state of Rhode Island. You can wear the damn sock to parties. You can clean windshields on freeway exits. Hell, you can wipe your butt with it. He can't get it back. THIS IS OUR CHANCE.

Again, good luck with the Oscars. Don't turn your back on the fratboy.

Your comrade in Yankeehood,

el Duque


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