As the Captain, Derek Jeter, steps up to the plate, stepping up to the microphone is the voice of the New York Yankees, John Sterling.
Since it is a fake, the original now buried in a landfill, it will reveal no PEDs, just Jack-in-the-Box secret sauce. Curt will cite that as proof of his chemical purity (rather than the obscenity of marketing sock #2 as the genuine item to dumbshit Red Sox fans). Once again, Red Sox Standard-Bearer = No Integrity. But that's the beauty of baseball. You can never predict just how dumb Red Sox fans can be.
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v. schilled, schill·ing, schillsv.intr.To act as a shill.v.tr.1. To act as a shill for (a deceitful enterprise).2. To lure (a person) into a swindle.
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