Thursday, February 14, 2013

What John Sterling would say about the Pope quitting

1. I don't care what anybody says. You can't predict popes, you just can't.

2. This is one of the great things about religions. Today, there is one pope. Tomorrow, there will be an entirely new pope, and that means an entirely different game. Other sports put the same two teams out there. But it's not that way with popes.

3. Right now, it's impossible to say if the Pope is hurt. But stick around, and you can bet that Suzyn will have the inside story on her clubhouse report.

4. The Catholic Church needs some timely pope-ing. It can't keep leaving pontiffs in scoring position. Somebody has to bring them home, in the clutch, and it starts with getting cardinals on base.

5. If God is looking for new captain, well, Derek Jeter is an amazing human being.

6. With the current overshift to the right, the next pope can make huge inroads if he just shortens its swing and hits to the left. If he lays down a bunt, he can practically walk to heaven. Nobody is covering the left side. Of course, if it were easy, everybody would do it. It's not.

7.  When the pope retires, and he's officially out, he'll be safe and secure. And you can keep your family safe and secure...

8. A loss like this would leave a pope-sized hole in Joe Girardi's rotation. You have to hope the Church has some talented youngsters who can step in and fill the void.

9. He is high, he is pious, he is... GONE.  It's a Jack - from Benny!  Oh, Benedict, you're something sort of God-ish!


John M said...

'It's a Jack...from Benny'...Danny Thomas coffee spit take.

Tom said...

God'll get you for this, Duque!

Giordano Bruno said...

Isn't this the same Pope that burned me at the stake for not going from first to third on a long single?

Anonymous said...

Over shift to the right???
Have you seem your SS tax, payroll tax and
Tax cut roll back from early 2000s???

Benedict Dover said...

Will we see the Pope at the Hebrew Home some time soon? I've been there. It's like college campus. Maybe he can set up a branch of the college of cardinals?

Anonymous said...

Don't bite the hand that has fed historical essays for hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of years!

Giordano Bruno said...

Easy for you to say, Anonymous. He didn't torch your ass in a public square in Rome because you expressed the shocking opinion that the earth orbits the sun.

Tomás de Torquemada said...

Remember, El Duque, "no one expects the Spanish Inquisition." And Bruno, quit whining. Poor old Cardinal Bellarmine is in the Seventh Rung of Hell and needs a bottle of sun block desperately.