Broadway sensation Mark Teixeira is constantly scheming.
Tex's newest strategy: Avoid his traditional season-opening slump by playing in Bud Selig's infamous WBC, so hiss one-for-twenty will hurt America - not the Yankees. Not very patriotic. But I'm fine with it.
In fact, here's hoping Tex plays so raggedly in the WBC - think Grandy in the 2013 post - that he gets benched for Russ Canzler or Hopalong Digberry, anybody. Just get it behind us ASAP.
I'm sorry, Commissioner Zelig, but the WBC is about as important to most U.S. fans as the Pro Bowl or Battle of the Network Stars (Still remembering Robert Conrad straining his hammy in losing to Gabe Kaplan.) Do they mike players? Interview pitchers between innings? Does anybody remember who won the last WBC? (True Fact: The hitting leader in the 2009 WBC was Czech 3B Mike Cervenak, who hit .715. )
Maybe this is hot tortillas in Spain and South Africa. Obviously, there's a marketing scheme: Selig wants to clothe the gauchos of Argentina with official MLB merchandise, get those Australian bushmen hooked on wiffle ball. MLB doesn't pick up a phone unless there's money in it. Considering how much it exploits the Dominica and parts of Mexico, this probably qualifies as a "give back." But who cares the USA beats Netherlands? Somebody always gets hurt. And the only reason I'd watch is to see if Chin-Ming Wang deserves a Yankee contract.
So Tex plans to use the WBC as his whipping mule? Fine. He usually starts hitting a month into the season. Put that slump onto the national debt. Or better yet, why not a team from Portugal?
Rest in peace, Carmen Berra.
"Yogi said it best," she would say. "‘We have a good time together even when we’re not together.’"