Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner, if you are serious about doing whatever it takes, the Yankees need to sign Kendry Morales

Hal Steinbrenner
Yankee Stadium
Rivera Avenue
New York City, New York

Dear Madam or Sir,

A Lannister, it is said, always pays his debts.

Likewise, a Steinbrenner does whatever it takes.

Last week, you repeated your family's ancient doctrine about spending to help your serfs and servants... we, ye humble Yankee fans. Today, we beseech you for relief.

We need help, because in four our of every five games, the Yankees must score eight runs to win. That's a moat-full of runs. The pride of our once-great army - the starting rotation - has gone a little wobbly. We have Masahiro Tanaka. After him, well, we have witch women and kettle prayers.

But 10 days from now, the horizon offers hope. Ten days from now, Kendry Morales becomes a free free agent. He's been a free agent since last fall, but because he rejected a cheapo qualifying offer from the Angels, any team that signed him had to surrender a first round draft pick this year, and nobody wanted to do that - except, of course, the House of Steinbrenner - because, when it comes to draft picks, it is nearly the House of Dolan, as in the New York Knicks. We didn't sign Kendry Morales because we didn't need him: We'd already signed Carlos Beltran, and how many DH's does a house need?

Well, the answer is: A lot. Beltran is - (surprise!) - hurt. Today or tomorrow, we'll learn whether he needs surgery on his elbow. If so, he's out until August. By then, it might be too late.

But on June 1, Morales will no longer cost his new team a draft pick. Thus, the Steinbrenner family can sign him without losing any players.

Listen: Kendry Morales is a switch hitter. He hit 23 HR last year, batted .277. We need him. If Beltran is hurt, we need him bad. Sir, it's merely gold. This is YES currency, Murdoch bank notes. Do you need another drawbridge? Do you need better porridge? No, sir. You need a dragon. You need Kendry Morales.

He can rest Teixeira at first. He can protect Tex in the order. We might win a few of those games by scoring nine runs. Sir, the sirens are blaring. The Yankees cannot go two months with Zolio Almonte hitting sixth. I hate to break this to you, but Yangervis Solarte might not hit .320 this year. We need another dragon.

OK, I know what you're saying: What we really need is a pitcher. You're right. But there are no pitchers on the free free agent market. There is only Kendry Morales. You go to war with the free free agent market that you have. In this case, it is Kendry Morales. If Beltran is out, we need another bat. There he is, standing on your lawn, holding up a boom box and playing Peter Gabriel music, begging to be signed. Let him in. LET HIM IN!

A Lannister always pays his debts. Does a Steinbrenner really do whatever it takes?

Sign Kendry Morales.

1 comment:

Karl said...

Surprised to hear you whimpering for the fool's gold, duque. This guy typically yields an OPS of about .800. This is no great shakes. Recall that Bernie Williams, in his prime, was routinely putting of OPS's of around .950. Plus Morales appears to be a defensive liability.

The Yankees are not just one outfielder away--they already have too many outfielders. They're a solidly built team away--at least five years away.

Weren't you just the other day urging the Boss-spawn to tear down this creaky, rotting old ruin of a team and rebuild? Fine--then don't go all wobbly in the knees now, duque, and start going all Steinbrennerish on us.