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Friday, May 16, 2014

If MLB can ban players, why can't the NBA erase an owner?

Yep, this philosophical question opens a can of whoop-ass worms, and if any of you Cellerinos and Barneses out there want to tackle it, here's to ya.

Why do the pooh bahs always skate?

Last summer, Bud "the Rug" Selig laid his spiked paddle upon a dozen MLB butts, and all but one just smiled and said, "Thank you, sir, may I have another?" A-Rod fought the law, and the law won. But do any of us expect a ban to last with Donald Sterling?

I don't. Something tells me the NBA will be fighting the Los Angeles Quipper until Florida is underwater, the Grand Canyon is belching fire, and Dame Emily Watson is playing Maggie Smith's role on Downton Abbey. By then, Sterling will be 120, a half-humanoid robot, receiving 24/7 blood transfusions from the Boys Scouts of America, who will be the nation's fountain of youth, in terms of working plasma.

I nominate sports team owners as humanis centepedes (no relation to the A's outfielder) the most advanced form of hunter/gatherer primate on the planet. They possess the criminal gene. I figure any lawyer, like Sterling, who makes a billion dollars off of his clients simply hasn't yet been caught. In the ranks of owners, you don't find great inventors or captains of industry. You find Viagra-bloated egomaniacs with foreheads full of transplanted pubic hair, running the world and still acting like 10-year-olds.

But mark my words: Despite whatever the NBA says, Donald Sterling will stick around for a long time - well after the next crop of athletes gets busted, banned and booted. It's part of the plan:

As long as Sterling is around - all the other owners, from the Steinbrothers to Jerry Jones - look good.

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