Sunday, June 1, 2014

Bunghazi: Will Yankees leave Kendrys Morales - and Kate's butt - behind?

Breaking: Not only are pictures of Kate Middleton's butt out there, but so is Kendrys Morales.

Like Kate's butt, Kendrys is not the answer to everything. Unlike Kate's butt, he hits for power, bats from both sides, and has experience at first base. Also, like viewing Kate's butt, signing Morales wouldn't cost the Yankees a draft pick - only money.

Wait a minute. Don't stop me. I'm on a roll.

Like Kate's butt, the LA Clippers of the NBA are worth two billion dollars. (I'm assigning a two billion dollar figure for Kate's butt; it could be more.)

If there is a bigger no-brainer out there for the Yankees - signing Kendrys Morales, that is, not Kate's butt - I don't know what it is.

OK, think this through with me:

Last winter, the Yankees - like Kate's butt - were snake-bitten by bad timing.

The Yankees went through November uncertain of whether A-Rod would return. Thus, they signed Kelly Johnson and combed the scrap heap for options, one of whom was Yangervis Solarte. Likewise, Kate's butt endured a stretch of not knowing how or whether Masahiro Tanaka would be posted to an American team. This often left Brian Cashman - and Kate's butt - struggling for a long-term solution to the Yankee infield, and it showed. The Yankees ended up with so many outfielders that Zolio Almonte - a bonafided major leaguer - ended up in Scranton, while the infield was a jump ball. Kate's butt suffered from cellulite. (I'm postulating here. Without pictures from last winter, we actually don't know.) 

But yesterday, random sequences of God and science worked in our favor. Mark Teixeira was pulled because of a barking wrist. And Kendrys Morales is suddenly an option. Meanwhile, nations of the world stopped wars, droughts and famine in order to examine pictures of Kate's butt.

If the Yankees don't move on Kendrys Morales, the brass should blow up this team - like Kate's butt and the 2012 Redsocks - and think about next year. This is the summer of Kendrys Morales and Kate's butt. We should change this blog to a Kate's butt blog. All in favor say aye. It's Kate's butt or Kendrys, Hal. Your move.

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