In April, Yankees can pooh-pooh concerns about a HR offense, but in October, it could be a different story

Yesterday brought a delightful, innovative, new 2019 Yankee experience: 

Tomato Can Torture Porn.

When I dropped in, we were leading by four, Domingo "Jean" German hadn't allowed a runner, and the YES barkers were bellowing "PERFECT GAME!" it to the juju cosmos. By the seventh, we were wearing leather body suits and brandishing our cat o nine tails, while the O's blubbered their "safe" word: Showalter. Our lone concern was whether Aaron Boone would need his A-list bullpen. With the bases loaded, we had the good fortune of seeing Chris Davis stride to the plate. Not long ago, he would terrify us. Now, it was almost embarrassing. He watched strike three as it smoothly bisected the plate.

And there it was: Our past, present and future.

When a slugger loses his edge, he slides fast, and he falls far. Think A-Rod. Think Tex. Think Pronk, Alfonso, Vernon Wells, et al. Think of all the big names and anemic batting averages that occupied Yankee lineups over the last 10 years, like bellies pumped full of air, and all the dead Octobers that resulted.

Yesterday, the Yankees belted seven HRs en route to a 15-3 massacre, and don't get me wrong: I ain't complainin.' 'Twas a lovely afternoon, a champagne brunch with a fling in the flowers and a nap among the nipples. But of the 40 Yankees who came to bat, 19 produced either a homer, walk or strikeout - in other words, a guy jogging rather than running. It was like a basketball game with nothing but foul shots, or a football game full of holding penalties. It took three hours and five minutes to torture that tomato can, and in the end, the stands were as empty as the industrial parks of Syracuse. 

The baseball lords are rightfully worried about the excessive length of modern games. This year, as an insult to minor league fans, they have installed an extra-innings system that puts a runner on second with no outs. To the legacy of the game, it is an abomination - yet another sign that a) they don't care one iota about small cities and b) they have no clue about the traditions that most of them simply inherited from birth. 

The problem with baseball is not that a few games go extra innings, or that it takes too long for a pitcher to throw an intentional walk. The problem is that every hitter seeks to grind his at-bat to at least seven pitches, and that the game has turned into a tedious funeral train of strikeouts and walks. 

Yesterday, in the post-game show - (why was I still watching?) - Boone was asked if there is "such a thing as too many home runs." He said no, of course, but not after hesitating. Because there is such a thing, and everybody knows it. 

The team that lives by three outcomes dies by it, as well. When home run hitters face good pitchers - that is, when October arrives - it usually does not end well for the team wearing the Catwoman suit. We can pad our numbers against Baltimore, and yesterday, that's exactly what we did. Congratulations to all. I ain't complainin.' But something's gotta change. I never thought I'd say this, but right now, we could use a Jacoby a lot more than a Giancarlo. 

But hey, let's get to the juju. In the last two days, I've posted home runs by former Yankee prospects, and the results have been astonishing. So here's another, Juu gods, I hope you're watching.