Thursday, March 19, 2009

Corporations Can Downsize Without Impacting Anyone

In this rotten and deteriorating economy, corporations of every ilk and hue are letting go fine people in order to cut costs, pay bonuses to their executives and stay in business.

Here is a logical suggestion that , if followed, will allow for any necessary downsizing while not impacting anyone:

Fire all Red sox fans first. As seen in the game-day photo to the right, Boston Red Sox fans are skanks. So who will care if they don't have jobs?

At Yankee games, these tasteless, angry morons do nothing but yell obscenities against our players and fans. They don't come to support their team, they come to defile and denigrate the air, the seats, and the environment around them.

Then fire any employee with a connection to Massachusetts. It is likely that anyone born in Massachusetts, or linked to family in that place, are also members of the "Red sox Nation." Let them join together in unemployment, then. It will be a positive binding thing for their little nation.

Most companies won't have to fire more than 10-20% of their employees to stay afloat, and cutting out the Red-Sox related fat will make this task simple. According to national survey data, getting rid of one Red Sox fan is the equivalent of firing 20-25 normal people, so the skies will begin brightening rather quickly for any company or Government that pursues this technique.

Let Go Red Sox !!!!


I'm Bill White said...

That picture looks like somebody tried to stuff a pound of pizza dough emblazoned with the Red Sox logo into a Dixie cup. Are you sure that's real?

Anonymous said...

Is this the wives' section?

Wailin' Suzyn said...

Ya, know, I was just reading that lower back tatoos can really screw up a woman's prospects of receiving an epidural during childbirth.

That really sucks.

Anonymous said...


Do you REALLY want her to reproduce?

Anonymous said...

I agree with you completely and would give you a vote for mayor.