Saturday, June 2, 2018

Curiouser and curiouser

So, back in the same store the other day, I glance at the "Coke Zero" section, and what do I see?




That's right! "Torres," is seems, is now a first name.

This is getting truly spooky. I've never seen anything like this in my life.

And what do I do? Do I drink it? Save it for a certain moment? What???

I feel like the hero in that great, creepy Ray Bradbury story, where this destitute guy comes across a perfectly good wheat farm that nobody seems to want and it's his to keep, and slowly he begins to realize that he's "The Reaper," cutting down lives everyday in the field.  (I guess nobody dies in the winter, but never mind!)

Or that story in one of the Alfred Hitchcock collections I use to read as a kid, in which the guy buys a bottle that gives you all sorts of good luck if you drink from it, but you have to sell it to someone else at a cheaper price before you die, or you go to hell?

In any case, I need some advice here. What should I do? And do I even dare to go back in that store??







18 comments:

HoraceClarke66 said...

By the by, I'm reliably informed that the second story I mentioned is "The Bottle Imp," by the great Robert Louis Stevenson.

Anonymous said...

I would not worry unless you find a bottle marked "Mummy" as in Billy "Cornfield" Mummy. Or Tina (not Tino) as in Talky Tina. Next thing you'll tell us that on a flight to Washington you looked out a window and saw a monkey!

That said, Alphonso is correct. If you find the Rivera bottles. Buy a case!

Doug K.

13bit said...

Mix it with two parts liquid morphine and one part vermouth, then deliver it to your soft tissue via an enema. The game will fly by in a pleasant blur and the Yankees will win, no matter what the scoreboard says.

I don't imbibe, myself, but there's no reason I cannot pass along my accumulate knowledge.

I have to suffer with consciousness.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Save it and mix it with Rum or Jack Daniels after Torres has a walk-off hit later this season. The hit must either:

1) Clinch the division
2) Win the ALDS
3) Win the ALCS
4) Win the WS

Put it in your refrigerator so it's cold when you need it.

If none of the above happens, drink it straight the day after the Yanks' season ends and ponder with a clear head where the eff we're going to find top of the rotation starters in the offseason.

Then write a post referring to this post that recounts the journey from here to there.

TheWinWarblist said...

El Conquistador!

TheWinWarblist said...

Be on the lookout for bottles that say Cy or Ruth or Gehrig or Whitey or ...

TheWinWarblist said...

Definitely go with any that says Big Train.

HoraceClarke66 said...

13bit, consciousness is highly overrated.

But good advice, all! And hey, Scranton has even contributed today, so maybe Cousin Dan knows what he's talking about.

TheWinWarblist said...

Barry, Willie, Hank, Tris, Honus and/or Stan should go without saying ...

KD said...

Have to beat the crappy teams and that’s just what the boys are doing

TheWinWarblist said...

But not Ty. He was such a dick.

TheWinWarblist said...

Does anyone watch Homegrown: The Path to Pinstripes?

TheWinWarblist said...

Haa-haa-HAAA-Ahh-AHHH-AAAHHHHH-AAaAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHaaaa-ah-ah-ah-aaaaaaaaAaAaHaHaHaaaAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Agree.

No Ty.

More Joe Jackson.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJwt2dxx9yg

Carl Weitz said...

Horace....check the expiration date on your coke bottle, LOL:

https://www.coca-colacompany.com/stories/is-your-name-on-a-coke-bottle-find-out-here

ranger_lp said...

They were selling Cokes with both last names and first names.

https://people.com/food/coke-bottles-first-name-last-names-ad-campaign/

You can also custom a coke bottle with any name...

http://www.shareacoke.com/

John M said...

I like Coke Zero. It tastes better than Diet Coke, by a long shot. But the names on the labels is annoying, in a pandering, shitheaded, marketing kind of way. (I'm not much of a joiner, so my most hated labels have "Team," which seems to be the predominant one sold in the market on Avenue B and 8th Street, I guess due to the athleticism of the hipsters and Latinos who live in the neighborhood.) In fact, the "Share a Coke with..." crap is a huge marketing success. There has been a decided uptick in sales of Cokes since they started doing that, so it's not going away anytime soon.

Regardless, always drink the stuff cold. Like American mass-marketed beer, it's the only way your taste buds can deal with it.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Nothing can ever deter me from thinking that it's a secret JuJu message!!!

Now they've got me hooked. I keep looking for more Yankees related ones. Damn you, marketing devils!