Virtual Baseball: Gray Just Misses No-Hitter, Tanaka Misses Start. Stanton Missing.

Virtual Sonny Gray, pitching for the Cincinnati Reds tonight, came within two outs of pitching a no-hitter versus his former team, the Virtual New York Yankees.  Instead, Gray had to settle for a one-hitter, though he went on blank the Yanks by a score of 4-0.

D.J. LeMahieu managed to thwap a ball through the Reds infield for a clean single with one out in the ninth, bringing a cheer from the 318 people who remained in attendance at Virtual Yankee Stadium.  Another 21 were treated for frostbite on this chilly April evening.

366 more were treated for food poisoning, although Yankees creature Lonn Trost described that as the  usual, early-season average.

Gray was masterful tonight, striking out 11 and walking only three.  Currently 4-0, he leads the NL with a 1.27 ERA.  Asked what made the difference between his performances in the Queen City and the Bronx, Sonny replied:

"No disrespect intended, but with the Yankees, going to the pitching coach meant having to talk to this big, fat, stubborn fuck who just wanted you to throw the pitches he liked.  I find that there is a different attitude here in Ohio."

The Yankees, at 12-7, remained in second place in the American League East, four games before the sizzling Tampa Bay Rays.  But concern continued to grow over New York's starting staff, as rumors flew that Gerrit Cole had been seen weeping at a Manhattan hospital, while Masahiro Tanaka was forced to miss his start tonight while the team's crack physicians attempted to insert "lots a stuff" back into his elbow.

In his place, prized Yankees rookie Deivi Garcia got his first start of the year and went a strong five innings, allowing just two runs and four hits.

But the real story of the game was Gray, who shut down the Yankees from wire to wire.  Particularly frustrated was rookie centerfielder Estevan Florial, who struck out all four times he faced the Reds pitcher.

"No, I don't have any worries, because someday, someday, bang-zoom, he's going to hit that high ceiling!" Manager Ma Boone told reporters afterwards.

Meanwhile, Giancarlo Stanton remained missing in the New Mexico desert today.  When the Yankees tried to give reporters a briefing on his status, they were interrupted by the dean of the press corps, Brian Harper, who told club officials:

"Frankly, we just don't give a shit.  Nobody cares that much about him."

Deputies continued to search for the slugger, but confessed that their hopes were beginning to wane.  And that they, too, were bored.