Virtual Yankees, Monty Bombed and Strafed in Texas. Stanton Still Missing.

The virtual New York Yankees dropped to 11-6 today, four games behind the red-hot Rays, as Jordan Montgomery, making his second start of the season, was blitzkrieged by the Texas Rangers, 8-3, in Arlington.

Monty was hit early and often, surrendering long home runs in each of the first three innings and failing to finish five complete.  The main Yankees highlight was provided by D.J. "Mr. Perfect" LeMahieu, who hit a hustle-double, stole third, then scored on a slow groundout by Estevan Florial, starting his first game a a Yankee.

Despite chalking up his first major-league RBI, Florial was 0-4.

"I'm not worried about that kid," Manager Ma Boone said afterwards.  "He has a high ceiling."

Meanwhile, worry increased as to the whereabouts of consistently absent slugger Giancarlo Stanton.

The Yankee "outfielder" was reportedly sighted loping along a deep forest trail in northern New Mexico yesterday, alongside an eight-foot-high creature covered completely in fur and looking like a cross between a man, an ape, and a bear.

("The creature, not Mr. Stanton," New Mexico state police specified.)

It was also reported to have exceedingly large feet.

"We're just glad that Giancarlo has found companionship in the wilderness," Yankees GM Brian Cashman told reporters at a press conference assembled around his hospital bed, where he is still recuperating from a lizard-misrecognition accident.  "From what we understand, he is headed in the direction of Arlington, which is a good sign, and the size of his friend is intriguing.  Maybe we can talk him into a workout if and when they both arrive at the ballpark."

Today marked the 17th consecutive day that no Yankee was reinjured while in rehab, something Cashman termed, "a significant milestone."