Friday, April 24, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Yanks Bag Tigers, Avert Aerial Disaster.

In Virtual Baseball today, the Yankees were winners twice over, belting the Bengals, 10-3 in their getaway game in Detroit, and narrowly avoiding a fiery death in their chartered flight back to New York.

As far as the baseball went, it was clear flying.  The Yanks got another well-pitched game from J.A. Happ, and plenty of hitting from their patchwork lineup.  Mike Ford, D.J. LeMahieu, and Thairo Estrada all homered, as did new backup catcher, Chris Iannetta.

Unfortunately for Iannetta, it was announced after the game that his trot around the bases had caused his rheumatism to act up, and he would join Gary Sanchez on the DL.

The biggest scare of the day came when the Yankees' flight back to La Guardia overshot the airport and was forced to make an emergency landing in Citi Field.

Fortunately, the fourth-place Mets' game against the high-flying, division-leading Miami Marlins had been called off due to rain—but not the team's auditions for a new Mr. and Mrs. Met.

As the airliner skidded across the wet grass at Citi Field, hundreds of would-be mascots scrambled for cover, screaming mutedly into their giant, baseball heads.

"Inside Mr. Met, no one can hear you scream," said Marlins' co-owner Derek Jeter, observing the scene.

The only damage caused in the end, though, was to the Mets' trademark, "home run apple," which was sheared in half by a wing on the descent.  Afterwards, MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred ruled that the Mets would not be allowed to homer again until it was repaired.

Pilots Nielsen and Hays, and chief stewardess Hagerty were detained by the FAA for questioning.  But reporters wondered why it was that the Yankees were flying the small charter airline, Fly Me to the Moon!, in the first place.

"I know it's a small airline, you don't have to tell me it's a small airline," shot back Yankees' road p.r. spokesman Nathan Thurm.  "I suppose you'd rather have a little more leg room, and not have Gerrit Cole.  Oh, give me some free peanuts, but let's dump Gardy, I guess that's what you'd prefer, huh?"

"Suzyn, there's no predicting wind velocity vectors on the approach to Flushing Bay," tweeted Yankees broadcaster John Sterling, still undergoing a battery of tests at Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital.

The win left the Yankees at 17-8, still three games behind the Tampa Bay en fuego Rays

"It's been an interesting year," remarked Manager Ma Boone, as the orange emergency ramps deployed for exit.




7 comments:

13bit said...

Bless you, Hoss...

Platoni said...

I have a solution for the Yankees DL woes. Inject some disinfectant. Though that will not help some of them play like they're paid. They'll get crushed when they face some better teams.

ranger_lp said...

@Platoni...if that would happen, we would have a number of players on the EL due to death...

Platoni said...

Oh, no, Ranger. You are wrong. Our Glorious Leader knows and he knows best. They'll be right as rain, they will.

Anonymous said...

It could be worse. He could have recommended jumping off a building because he once heard the song, "Walking On Sunshine."


Doug K.

TheWinWarblist said...

Um ... Hoss ... you know you need to start including box scores, don't you?

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