Virtual Game 8: Jays Jack Cessa; Jeter Visits Stanton.

The Toronto Blue Jays battered the New York Yankees today, 14-8, returning the Yankees to being a .500 club.  The Yanks' search for a viable No. 4 starter continued, as Luis "Unless Strictly Nessa" Cessa gave up 7 earned runs in the first three innings.

Meanwhile, Miami Marlins GM and part-owner Derek Jeter went to visit Giancarlo Stanton in a Tampa hospital, where Stanton is still recovering from a suspected chorizo/churro/churro sauce case of food poisoning.

Jeter dismissed suggestions that his visit was only meant to turn a spotlight on Stanton's dismal attendance record since he became a Yankee.

"What?  No, that's not true at all.  I just wanted to see how my boy is holding up.  Strong as he looks, he has kind of a weak constitution.  Or didn't you guys know that up in New York?"

Jeter insisted there were no hard feelings between him and Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman, now recovering himself from an eagle attack instigated by a case of mistaken lizard identity.

"No, man, he really got me with that deal," said Jeter, poker-faced.  "And it was smart of him to have Klapisch write about it in that book of his.  Now he knows he's got my dander up, and I'll be rarin' to go for a rematch.  Two-of-three, Bri?"

When reporters asked Jeter if he were being sarcastic, the former Yankees star gave them a wondering, wide-eyed look.

"What, me?  No, man, the thing you gotta realize is how much smarter Brian Cashman is than the rest of us.  I mean, look at me:  I'm just a regular guy who lives in a huge, waterfront mansion with his supermodel wife and his friend, the greatest quarterback in NFL history.  A lot of times at night, Hannah and Gisele,and Tommy and I sit out on the deck and have a drink, and wonder about how Brian is doing with that English girlfriend of his, living la vida local."

Jeter also expressed the wish that Mr. Cashman refrain from throwing him into the briar patch.