Virtual Baseball: Historic Win for Yanks, Holder. Suzyn Warbles Wanly.

The Virtual Yankees played a game for the ages tonight in Detroit's EConcom Stadium, hanging on for a 12-inning, 7-6 win over the Tigers.

Rallying from an early, 5-0 deficit, the Yanks moved into the lead thanks to two long home runs by Gary Sanchez, who signaled his overall disdain for all things Bengal by openly spitting at the Detroit dugout as he came around to touch home plate on his second dinger.

But the night belonged with Kyle Holder.  With the Yanks leading in the bottom of the 12th, closer "Night Sweats" Chapman entered the game and was as wild as a Tasmanian devil, walking the first two batters he saw, before facing dangerous Detroit DH, Miguel "One Big Tub-a-Juice" Cabrera.  

Chapman promptly hung a curve, which Cabrera lashed on a line up the middle, nearly decapitating the clammy hurler.  

But Kyle Holder, perfectly positioned, was able to snag Cabrera's smash just before it hit the ground. Holder then rolled over second base, retiring lead runner Dawel Lugo, popped to his feet, and ran down and tagged out Tigger backstop Grayson Greiner, who is slower than continental drift.

By so doing, Holder had not only completed the Yankees' first-ever, unassisted triple play, but also the first unassisted triple play in baseball history to end an extra-inning game.  It was the capper on what was an all-around excellent night for Kyle, who also had four singles and drove in three runs.

"Boy!" exulted manager Ma Boone.  "Why, the way he's going, he might have as high a ceiling as Estevan Florial some day!  And please excuse my language."

Detroit had mauled starter Luis "It's Nessa" Cessa, but the Yanks bounced right back behind their usual legion of relievers, to improve their record to 15-7.  The win left them still three games behind the smokin' Tampa Bay Rays.

Suzyn Waldman, alone in the Krazy-Kars-for-Kids radio broadcast booth, tried to warble the Yankees' win, but broke down in a fit of cigarette-induced coughing.  

Reached for comment where he was convalescing at Columbia-Presyterian Hospital, "former home of the New York Highlanders," Suzyn's erstwhile partner, John Sterling called it "the old college try," and marveled at the game's ending.

"I think it's safe to say:  there's no predicting baseball," The Master told reporters.

Meanwhile, the Yankees' new road spokesman, attorney Nathan Thurm, denied reports that Gerrit Cole was still not receiving proper medical attention, saying that he had gone for a CAT-scan just that morning.

Asked if that didn't really mean that he was taken to Bleecker Street to have Madame Cleo's psychic cat walk over him, Thurm replied testily, "I knew it was her cat.  I didn't say what kind of cat it was, you said it was that cat.  You're the one making all this fuss about cats and dogs."

Meanwhile, ranch hands and farm workers near the section of New Mexico where Giancarlo Stanton was last seen, reported the eerie howlings and rustlings of a strange, demonic creature, sometimes riding astride horse, in the still of the night.  The sounds made by this spectral vision spooked their cattle into stampeding and set dogs to yowling, but it vanished when they tried to approach it.