Virtual Off-Day: Injury List Grows. Stanton Still At Large.

Returning to New York after a successful first Western swing, the Virtual Yankees had to confront a problem that plagued them last year:  injuries.

Luke Voit, after one of his best games at first base yesterday, was reporting a pull in his trilateral sephardic cortex, while catcher Gary Sanchez, off to only a .176 start behind the plate, was diagnosed with a jesuitical left selenium.

"None of it looks too serious.  But they have to be watched," Manager Ma Boone said after getting the trainer's report.

Meanwhile, there was confusion over whether or not Gerrit Cole had had his right arm examined, after a plane ride back from Dallas which he reportedly spent doubled over in pain, clutching his shoulder and demanding more shots of vodka to ease the agony.

"Yeah, yeah, sure, he had an FYI," Yankees creature Randy Levine, cornered while out catching flies at lunchtime, told a reporter.

Asked if he meant to say that Cole had had an "MRI," Levine replied, "Actually, he had a MYOFB," and placed his hand over his crotch for added emphasis.

No word still on the whereabouts of slugger Giancarlo Stanton, although New Mexico authorities reported that, judging by its hoofprints, the horse he was thought to be riding had traveled past "plants and birds and rocks and things" and was approaching "sand and hills and rings."

"Well, at least in the desert there ain't no one for to give him no pain, that's for sure," New Mexico state trooper Dewey Bunnell told the press.