Thursday, September 15, 2022

Yank lead stands at six; Toronto makes its move - and the Redsocks make performance art

Talk about unexpected gifts? What a nice surprise! I don't know what to say... 

(Tearing up.) I told myself I wouldn't cry.  (Wipes face., acknowledges shouts of "We love you!")  Thank you. I love you too. (Applause. Sniffles.)  I believe I speak for the Yankiverse - (voice breaks) - in expressing  heartfelt thanks to our friends in the Northeastern Liberal Witchburn Corridor. (Cheers.) 

You know, there are many unfathomable ways to gift a game, but flinging the ball all the way to the RF corner, and then failing to touch 1B while running out a grounder - that's art. That's Maria Abramovic marrying Bonehead Merkel. And that's what Boston gave us last night.

You know what I loved the most? It wasn't Aaron Judge silencing those uppity clods who were shouting that he's overrated. It wasn't Clarke Schmidt fanning Bogaertes, Devers and Martinez like Lucy devouring chocolates on an out-of-control conveyer belt. No. It was hearing that faithful chant "Yankees suck!" every now and then, growing ever-weaker, like a Buzz Lightyear toy with a dying chip, going more silent with each play. 

The Yankees really, really, REALLY needed a two-game sweep, and Boston delivered. If we'd lost two, our collapse would still be in full throw. Now, we get Milwaukee (Cecil Fielder?), Pittsburgh (with that 6'6" skinny SS) and then home for four with the Campbell's Tomato Redsocks. Don't get me wrong: We can still blow this. If we've learned anything, it's that the 2022 Death Barge can go ice-cold faster than an Aroldis Chapman wild pitch directly to the backstop. But last night, Boston came through for us. Thank you, Ben and Matt. Thank you, Conan. Thank you, Steve Tyler. Thank you... white, privileged, self-righteous frat bros, everywhere.

This we know:

1. Harrison Bader homered last night for Scranton. That's nice. He played DH, which is sorta not nice. He's a week away, maybe more. His arrival should mean the end of Aaron Hicks, who made yet another crapola fielding play last night, a throw to the plate so offline that Nestor needed to snag it. In some ways, it's touching - Boone's loyalty to his starters. It's akin to a moose's love for his flying squirrel. I suspect that, up close, Hicks is a jolly old fellow, which nobody can deny. Great golfer, they say. Killer drives on a par 3. He's had great moments: Remember that game in Minnesota two years ago, his diving catch in left-center, and then the HR? Damn. I wish he could get it back. But this is New York, not Middle Earth, and here, the fairy tales usually involve a plucky rat pulling home a pizza. Bader is coming, for better or worse. And Hicks will disappear. 

2. Last night, Zack Britton pitched a 1-2-3 eighth inning in the same game. Eleven pitches, eight strikes. If his famous sinkerball is working... ah, but dare we believe it? These rosy updates are like dispatches from the Ukrainian front: You want to buy into it, but you can never dispel the notion that we're being played. Soon, we'll get the same treatment from Aroldis, as he mows through some Double A lineup. 

Look, I get it: That Yankees MUST give both vets a chance to pitch themselves onto the postseason roster. But there is danger in viewing them with 2018 glasses. They are not - probably never will be - the intimidating factors they once were. And they just might knock out Ron Marinaccio and/or Clarke Schmidt, who are still ascending. 

All I say is this: I cannot think of a more painful way to end 2022 than with another El Chapo walk-off gopher ball. If that happens, I'm calling for a Jan. 6. Hang Hal Pence!

3. The Rays play the BJs today at 3:15 p.m., Buffalo time. I suppose we should pragmatically root for the Tampons, snagging a game in the loss column. But it's like the Dems supporting MAGA election-deniers because they think they'll be pasties in the general election. Be careful what you ask for. Both teams could win it all. If we end up playing either, expect the series to go down to the final pitch, and they won't be gifting us Little League HRs.  

23 comments:

JM said...

Last night was just so much fun. I hope the upcoming tomato series provide as much unintentional laughter and mirth.

We've got 6 games up on the Jays, 6 games in the all-important loss column. They have as much chance of catching us as we have of catching Houston. Ain't gonna happen.

No, no, juju gods...I said "Sure, it could happen. You can't predict baseball."

Take it easy, I was just playing to the crowd. Relax. Have a Ballantine.

AboveAverage said...

5:18am

And I’m wishing I had a pull-string bloody sock toy that plays YANKEES SUCK! when I release the ring.

That and maybe a cup of coffee in a couple of hours

JM said...

AA, the avatar...AAAAHHHHHHHHH, as an illustrious comrade of ours might say.

TheWinWarblist said...

Duque continues to dabble in optimistic speculation. When did he go on CashBrain's payroll?

Publius said...

RailRiders moved into first place for first time this season. Were double digits games back at one point. I say this in all sincerity...Brian Cashman is the greatest AAA GM in history. Remarkable record of success.

ranger_lp said...

Guzman can hit a HR in Scranton yet he swings at the flies in New York...

el duque said...

I want The Guz Man to get another chance. Weissert got one, came through. The Guz needs another buzz. Second opinion!

JM said...

Totally agree, Duque.

Mildred Lopez said...


From the mouth of the Condor...

“I can be a superstar,” Guzman said. “I know I’m a superstar. I just haven’t put it out there on the field yet, but I really believe I am a superstar. I still have a lot of work to do. I really believe that it will happen.”

Rufus T. Firefly said...

They need at least one real first baseman.

AboveAverage said...

YES - a real first baseman would be nice

JM said...

It's not Marwin.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Outdoing yourself, Duque! Hilarious—even your typo, referring to Democrats mistaking MAGA candidates for "pasties." I think you meant "patsies," but it works either way!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Guzman's hopes and determination are very sweet to hear.

Step Number One to becoming a superstar: When you hit the ball, actually RUN toward first base.

After you get that down, let's talk!

AboveAverage said...

alas - so many minor league baseball players never get to first base

HoraceClarke66 said...

I'm all for giving Britton a shot—who knows?—but NOT Chapman.

Even GOOD Chapman was BAD Chapman. Far, far too often, Chappie has come up small in a big game. Even his big, seventh-game win that secured the Cubs' first World Series victory in 108 years came only after a spectacular blown save, one in which Torrents—entering the game with 2 out in the 8th and a man on first, and a 6-3 lead—surrendered a double and a home run to those immortals, Brandon Guyer and Rajai Davis.

Granted, the Cubbies had worked him like the short-term rental he was, but still...

The Hammer of God said...

Ah, Ronald, Ronald Guzman, your quote toucheth upon a very basic philosophical tenet common to all humanity:

We measure ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, but others measure us by what we have done.

(Quote from somebody whose name I forgot, but if anyone is interested, I could dig it up somewhere.)

HoraceClarke66 said...

Chapo is an all-too-typical Cashie case of picking up a player too late.

Coming out of Cuba with his 105-mph fastball, he was signed by the Reds—THE REDS!—for a relative song, with the money, in those days, not even counting against the official payroll for such foreign players.

Using him as a set-up man or middle-inning reliever in 2010-2012, Chappie might well have made the difference in getting the Yanks championships, in 3 years where they didn't miss by much.

Then, after his horrible shooting incident, he might have been peddled elsewhere about the time he actually was—and for better players than we did get (Gleyber, Billy McKinney, and Adam Warren). But...no could do, under the reign of the Cooperstown Kid.

HoraceClarke66 said...

GREAT quote, Hammer! Who did say that?

borntorun999 said...

Yes, Hoss! the 999 cardinal Rule: Run Hard, all the time. Otherwise back the Day’s Inn in Scranton with ye.

borntorun999 said...

pasties and a g-string
beer and a shot
Portland through a shot glass
and a Buffalo squeeze
popcorn front row
higher than a kite
and I'll be back tomorrow night
and I'll be back tomorrow night
-Tom Waits

not sure what it all means, but it’s how I’m feeling today.

The Hammer of God said...

@Hoss, Here is the actual quote, turns out that I paraphrased Longfellow, from my scrapbook of quotes:

"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

13bit said...

Enjoy the Kool Aid, brothers. We deserve everything that’s coming.