Surely, they expected things to be the same: Omar shooting drug dealers, Stringer Bell manipulating the cartels, and Detective Jimmy McNulty on their tails.
Well, Toto, we're not in 2008 anymore. Omar is dead, Stringer Bell is now Detective Luther, McNulty somehow morphed into Prince Charles and the Orioles own not only the AL East, but the Yankees, too.
Listen: It's too early for hopelessness. The month of May is barely here, and we still sprout the 7th best record in baseball. Tonight, we host Detroit, a city touting its own rebirth, with the AL's 4th winningest record. Maybe we'll show them Who's The Boss (in the Tony Danza sort of way.)
But that chance to kick Baltimore in the gonads...? It's over. We blew it. We won't play the O's again until June 18, and by then, the fate of the Yankees in the AL East might be written, filmed and headed straight to home video.
Once again, despite outspending their divisional rivals, the Yankees will chase the Wild Card in 2024. And they'll be happy to skip future trips to Camden Yards, which used to be so welcoming.
We just came within an Oswaldo Cabrera HR of being swept. We scored six runs in four games. We botched rallies, hit into DPs, ran ourselves out of innings and threw to the wrong base. We were lucky to go 1-3 in a week when nobody was watching.
In the young season, the week began as MLB's premier match-up - the two best records in the AL.
And we never tallied one tabloid back page. Not one. Nope.
The city of NY is drunk and stoned on the Knicks, an electrifying team of ascending stars that could go all the way. They'll definitely hold NYC's attention for at least the next week, because, well, how do I put this nicely...?
Nobody gives a fuck about when DJ LeMahieu will return.
Nobody expects Giancarlo Stanton to return to form.
Nobody cares about Gleyber Torres anymore.
The Yankee show is a dud - an old rerun that has run its course. Already, it's hard to watch. So now, we're in another Wild Card chase, eh? Yeesh.
What channel is running the professional Cornhole League?
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34 comments:
Professional Cornhole is on channel 69.
It is broadcast every Tuesday and Thursday evening at 8, right after reruns of Who Pooped in my Soup?
Today's award for Unwittingly Hysterical Sports Columnist goes to Jim Bowen at the Athletic, who concluded a paragraph about the Yanks by saying:
"Aaron Boone is once again proving why he’s one of the best managers in baseball in leadership, strategy and building team culture."
The mind boggles.
AA, I think "Anal Debutantes" was available on PPV recently. Professional, check. Cornholing, check.
In life, it’s not how you start, but how you finish. We had a nice start, but missing out on the wild card spot is this team’s finish.
Leader of Men
Great with the
Bullpen
Knows all the moves
No skipping in his grooves.
He’s Aaron Boone
‘Nuf Said!
Thairo Estrada had the game winning hit last night for the baseball giants against the carmines. Stats are pretty similar to Gleyber Cano for the last 3 years. Too bad they gave him away for a few magic beans.
And really fucking too bad they didn't trade Gleyber Cano for a lot more back then.
Thairo might have similar stats, but I'm pretty sure that he's the better player. B/w those two, I'd take Thairo over Torres.
I saw both of those highlights, the Thairo bingle and the Torres homer. Thairo stuck his ass out and made contact, hit it through the hole. Torres lifts up his leg, holds it up in the air for what seems an eternity, then starts letting his foot drop and begins his stride by pushing with the rear leg. Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull probably considers Gleyber Torres his baseball disciple.
I don't know if I've ever seen a guy with hitting mechanics like Torres. Complicated and difficult to execute stuff like balancing on one leg and the precision timing required to start the stride and weight shift at the right instant as the pitch is coming, all this is extraordinarily difficult to pull off. Which is why nobody does it like Gleyber. Which is why he's prone to loooooooooooooooong slumps and "upper and lower body not in sync" syndrome.
Nobody does it better
Nobody does it
Half as good as you
Gleyber, you're the best....
Guys like Bowen don’t LIVE the team like we do, so their opinions don’t carry as much water as ours.
I think we need some kind of resurgence from Torres to facilitate a trade at the deadline. RTF is correct, we should’ve traded him before last season. Not to get all analytical, but his BABIP is crazily low, so he should do better. Call it a dead cat bounce, call it what you will. We’ll see the same from Judge, but not from Stanton, Rizzo, or DJLM. When the meat’s overcooked it never goes back. Perhaps we can trade GT at the deadline for a promising youngster? It’s hard to see the team re-signing him, unless his price craters.
All of this TD speculation is for nothing. Less than nothing. It assumes that we have an astute GM, an idea that is laughable. The Intern is like a guy with an abusive girlfriend: he hangs on to relationships hoping to get a sniff of the biscuit once in a blue moon.
As for the Orioles, they stunk up that beautiful ballpark for the better part of a decade with an owner who was, like so many others, milking a once-great franchise. They may be great again, but how many of us would be willing to see the Yankees become the laughing stock of the league until we're all in nursing homes? And what hope would there be with The Intern at the helm making draft choices?
All we can do now is watch as other teams showcase generational talent while we plod along with aging mediocrity. It couldn't be any worse if a Dolan were running the team into the ground. Yet, even the Knicks were moribund for years before that moron stepped aside and imported some smart basketball people to run the show.
Think about it: we are aiming/hoping for a wild-card play-in game. It's disgusting. These aren't your father's New York Yankees.
We are doomed.
This team is like watching episodes of the Twilight Zone. Sometimes there are good ones, but most are mediocre. I think Cornholing is on the LOGO channel
Where’d everybody go?
Will the Yankees score a run tonight? Can they even? Find out later as i stuff my genitals into a vintage Cuisinart.
Fuck this "offense."
The last Stroman inning was like watching flies fuck, if fly fucking were somehow stressful to watch.
While we rue the rise of the Orioles, the Tigers are quietly putting up numbers in pursuit of Cleveland and Kansas City.
Has the world gone mad?
Stanton 0-3, 3 k’s and really doesn’t look like he gives much of a shit.
Will we ever score a run?
BTR, does ANYONE look like they give a ahit? Rhetorical question.
2 hits. 2.
Hey, Win, come on, man. This is the Tigers we’re talking about. We should lucky for those measly two.
How could this team have so many putrid ABs? They aren't exactly facing Koufax, Unit, or Maddux. And not for just one game, but for way too many games. It's hard to fathom.
Winnie,
Don't do it. You'll want the later.
*them*
A bunt single? That's ... not supposed to happen ...
We got a run…
Stanton?? FUCKING STANTON!?!?!!?
What is happening? TELL MEEEEEEEE!!!!
Yankees Win!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!??? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!???
THEUHUHUHUHUH YANKEES WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woo hoo!
A fucking win!? Questionable managing from Detroit, but then again we've been victimized by Boone, so....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJJJJJJJJJJJJHHHHHHHHHHHHH_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll have what she's having!
Why on earth did they not walk Rizzo? Torres is an automatic DP. Not that I'm complaining!
Defintley should’ve walked Rizzo, especially with a RH hitter up next? Good to know we’re not the only team with an incompetent Mgr.
Shout out to Hamilton for pitching out a bases loaded jam in relief of do-rag Stroman.
Obviously lack of hitting continues to be problem, with the eternal question, whar are they doing about it? We have 3 friggin’ hiring coaches getting zero results.
Anyway, take this gift wrapped win and run.
Great fundamental baseball makes for great games people love to watch. Something the Yankees no nothing about. Thanks, front office and analytical crew. Defense can't be measured accurately statistically, and defense is not an individual activity. Tinkers to Evers to Chance, baby. That's how you win ball games. Not bat speed, exit velocity or spin rates.
Try correlating time spent pumping before the game and lat, groin or leg injuries. Maybe you'll learn something, Aaron Leanhardt. Bodies aren't rockets, buddy. You ain't in NASA anymore. Put away your slide rule and learn how baseball is played.
But, hey, Verdugo laid down a bunt. I guess the Red Sox taught him that one and he didn't hear the geeks in the hallway try to stop him.
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