Thursday, June 20, 2013

Dear Mr. Cashman: Since we just lost a Chinese phenomenon named Chien-Ming Wang, how about signing a new one? His name is Manny Ramirez

Yes, sir. That Manny Ramirez.

He's done in China. They loved him. They named candy bars after him. But he's done. He's not interested in Japan. Still angry about Pearl Harbor. He wants to come home. To America. To NYC. He wants to hit in the majors. He says he can do it. Who knows? He's just Manny, being Manny.

Sign him, sir. Sign him before our enemies do. Sign him tomorrow, if you cannot sign him tonight. Sign Manny, and start printing the tickets.

Understand? Sign Manny; sell tickets. It's that simple. I need some reason, any reason, to keep following this wretched, tiresome team. Everyone does. A lineup where Jayson Nix is batting second inspires no hope. Besides, how bad can Manny be? How much worse can he be than Vernon Wells? If he goes 0-4, he replaces guys who are going 0-5. It's a wash, a write-off. Sign him.

Pull the trigger. Make Manny a Yankee. Come on, Cash. Where's your gambling instincts? Roll the dice. Sign him. Now.



竹板凳 said...

Maybe signing Manny isn't wrong, but Manny didn't go to China, nor is Wang a Chinese citizen. Maybe the Yankees should sign the "other" Manny Ramirez.

bennyboy said...

No. We cannot sacrifice our values to win this war. If we do that, they win. It would be a hollow victory.

joe de pastry said...

Sign him for laughs.
This team is so freaking boring right now, I'd even consider signing Canseco.

Anonymous said...

Dear dummy. Wang is from Taiwan, not China. Yes, technically Taiwan is a territory of China, but that's like calling someone from Puerto Rico American. But it doesn't matter because I'm sure you just assumed he was from China when you read his name.

AWU said...

Wang is a Taiwanese sensation, not Chinese. So is Wei-Yin Chen from the Orioles. Manny Ramirez played in the Taiwanese league for E-DA Rhinos and not China.
BTW there are currently no players from China in MLB. Boom, just dropped some knowledge on ya'!