Thursday, June 13, 2013

Yankeetorial: Pineda throwing a fake game, and it's "no big deal?" Hmm. When the Yankees release news about players, it's like the NSA disclosing homefront programs

The Yankee Briantrust has decided to let the ever-rehabbing Michael Pineda throw a "simulated game" in the sensory deprivation chamber of GitMo Tampa, rather than face the dreaded Cito Culver-esque hitters of the South Atlantic League. Our leaders say nothing is wrong with the moose... keep moving, there's nothing to see, all is well.

When I hear such assurances, I get the same feeling as I do when our government agencies tell us anything about the NSA: Maybe it's true.

When it comes to disclosing injuries, the Yankees lie with impunity: They lie to the press, to their fans, and maybe to themselves (Remember how Derek Jeter was going to return for opening day?) The ugliest question is whether sportswriters, to get their calls returned, do the lying themselves. We dunno. But let's face it:  If they do, the reaction of the much - if not most - of the Yankiverse (U.S. electorate) would be, Bravo! Lie to us, please, please, please; don't make us swallow the truth.

We all can see why Joe Girardi might lie about, say, Travis Hafner's shoulder: He's trying to win a ballgame, dammit. He doesn't want the enemy to know what he knows. Detroit (or China) is lying, so why shouldn't we? Thus, we fans on the outside are always on our own, trying to discern what voice in the Yankiverse can be trusted to know and say what the hell what is going on. Who out there is untainted by the money, arrogance and psyops of the dark Yankee disinformation machine?

Rest assured, we are not that voice. I think we've made that clear.

But... because we don't claim to know anything, we cannot lie. Are you with me? Because right now, the Yankees have floated so much crap our way that who can believe anything? And when Michael Pineda pulls out of a rehab start - or they pull this kid Montgomery at Scranton, who has a tired shoulder, but we shouldn't worry - what are we to think? Are they telling the truth? Maybe.

Well, dammit... THIS THE UNVARNISHED TRUTH. And if you don't want to hear it, cup your hands over your ears and start yelling LaLaLaLaLa...

We've sucked since Chien-Ming Wang signed with Toronto - an obvious juju debacle from the minute it was announced.

It happened during our tomato can winning streak over Cleveland and Seattle. Wang, leading the International League in ERA and on the trail toward a return to NYC, jumped ship and took an offer from Toronto. We let him go because our depth chart included Vidal Nuno, Ivan Nova, the ever-rehabbing moose of Tampa, and Phil "A.J." Hughes, who had just shut down the mighty Mariners.

In terms of omens, it was the worst one since the "Derek Eater" photos appeared on the NY tabs. Since losing Wang, the Yankees have gone 2-3. Moreover, within hours of Wang's release, Nuno walked off the mound in Scranton with a groin injury, and Pineda's first game was rained out. Nova had a lame start in Scranton, and now Pineda will pitch to the janitorial staff rather than take a bus to Charleston.

Since Wang signed, Toronto is 3-2. He started for the Blue Jays Tuesday. He went 7 innings, gave up 5 runs - a bad fourth inning - and didn't get a decision. That's CC Sabathia territory! We're back to floundering and waiting for players to return - now with the realization that, like Wang, some of them won't.

Who should you believe? Not me, that's for sure. But the cosmos is talking to us, everybody. This is no time for LaLaLaLaLaLa...


KD said...

Did the Yankee brass end the IJJI by letting Wang go for.. what? a bag of sunflower seeds for ARod?

el duque said...

For Cashman, having Wang was like wearing an athletic supporter cup made from pure uranium. He couldn't handle the juju that was steadily pulsating forth. And now we're three games out.

Terden Punchebol said...

It appears the juju is quickly losing its juice. Is it time for the juju priests to retire to the fortress of solitude for a double-secret intervention, a sacrifice? Is there dark juju that can be brought to bear against the other teams in the east until our heroes return?