Friday, June 7, 2013

The Bombers have been activated... and a big hello to you readers from the NSA

I am now speaking in secret IT IS HIGH code: We are 4-0 since Juju Intervention. The fish are biting. The Kuroda flies at midnight. "Breaking News Hughes" still Mr. Dice K Roll, a Sandy, either Koufax or Dennis. Four wins, four seasons. Real or Memorex? Setting up for Cy Young or Colter Beaning? Should Cash shop, before Correction? Is Phranchise real?

On that note, let's welcome Eric Holder and our good friends from the National Security Administration.

See that pen on your desk? It's a camera. Right now, you're being watched by Joe Biden, who has a drinking game going: he does a shot of Crown Royal every time you scratch your nose. 

In times of despair, I think nobody reads this blog. Now, I know the NSA is with me! Hopefully, they're convinced - correctly, by the way - that this blog is a secret terror network code thing, and you - yes, you - are my sleeper cell robots, awaiting my signal to wreak havoc. We use code words... such as Joba and Juju... and when Phil Hughes pitches well, it's a call for Yankee fans to run amok, unscrewing salt shakers in diners and flushing toilets until municipal water systems explode. Yes, we seem to be a harmless Yankee fan blog. We seem to be fans of John and Suzyn. But something's not right.  No, there is a dark side to this site.

Right now, I can imagine a team of NSA operatives in a war room with IT IS HIGH pictures tacked to the wall. At the top, there is a question mark. Who is Mr. Big? Sterling? He's always had an anti-social bend. What if he's gone mad, and he's directing Yankee fans through his "fake blog" to undermine the U.S. government? Do they need another mole?

Yes, another infiltrator. For some time now, I've been suspicious of you, and you, and YOU. One of you reading this is an NSA spy. Your comments have given you away. You are too clever. Is it you, Anonymous? Or you, Anonymous? Show yourself, master of deceit! No... better yet... keep reading. But from now on - and only the truest IIH operatives will understand this - we are bringing down the Cone of Silence and going into Double Secret Reverse Meaning Word Code.

We are orfay and oyah since the ujujay interventionay. Hirokijay  Rodakay is itchingpay onighttay.

Power to the Yankees. Unleash the Kraken. Let the quick brown fox jump over the lazy dog. Going for five and oh, baby, five and oh!


Moe Sahd said...

then alphonso belongs to the
National Shikker Association

John M said...

I blame Anonymous. Not the two you mentioned, the other one.

Can't be KD, unless that 'gradson has weed' meme was just a smokescreen. And I fell for it, too.

On a serious note...did they really come a-knockin' at your electronic door, Duque? Wtf? Or as Scooby would put it, "Urrh?"

el duque said...

There's a suspicious white van parked across the street. We're sure they're listening. I've instructed the family to communicate by hand-gestures and chalkboard notes.

Alibi Ike said...

The quick brown fox just got smoked by a drone.

Time to call up Quick Brown Fox second-in-command.

Anonymous said...

At noon today, at the place with that thing, the Falcon babies are dead.

The London bridge is falling down

Abdul schemed al awarri jjfeus

Jesus left the building in 2012

el duque said...

The Melkman commeth, but the dirt is Tidrow.

Diana Chaparrio Nigro, Child Molester said...

thuh goverment think John Sterling is code for Mohammud,home run is code for bomb and baseball games mean jihad
surveillance over thuh guhvment wins thuuuuuuh guhvment wins!!!!!

KD said...

oh, I love you guys. i'll make sure Mr. Holder treats you kindly. wish I had more sway with the IRS, however. those guys are true believers.

John M: you're on the waiting list!!