Friday, June 14, 2013

Jeter cleared to resume drinking

TAMPA _ Doctors yesterday cleared Yankee captain Derek Jeter to begin absorbing copious amounts of alcohol, after he watched 18 innings of a meandering, stagnant offense provided by former Redsocks, Indians and Blue Jays - who may still be working for those teams.

"He's not only ready to drink, he needs to drink," said physician Dr. Robert Anderson. "Imagine going back there. Whoa. Just thinking about it, I'm going to have a few stiff belts."


Leinstery said...

Well we all know who has been hitting the bottle hard in Jeter's abscence.

Please seek help John

Bill Wilson, Yankee fan, said...

Time to deal with it, Jete.

1)Admitted we were powerless over injuries, incompetence and aging.

2) Came to believe that the Steibrenners had sinned against heaven and were taking the entire Yankeeverse to hell with them.

3) Asked God sincerely to rain down terror on the Red Sox and restore Bobby Valentine as their manager.

4) Made an inventory of all the useless players we have got and released them unconditionally, hoping only that possibly some would test postively for PEDs.

5) Called up all the young bucks from Scranton.

6) Had the courage to change, and became an Oakland Athletics fan.