Thursday, September 1, 2011

Eight ways to enjoy tonight

1. Watch Tampa and California scores, calculating our lead in quest for Wild Card.

2. Hope for hurricane to swamp New England, stranding AJ in Vermont.

3. If Lady Gaga, doing Ralph Macchio impersonation, picks up Pedroia in bar.

4. Obama postpones game for fear of being yelled at by John Boehner.

5. Earthquake swallows John Lester, giving Tim Wakefield shot at win Number 200.

6. Andy Pettitte comes out of retirement to pitch against lefty batters.

7. Go make sandwich whenever Teixeira comes up; return after infield pop-up has been caught.

8. If somebody, anybody, will plunk Big Papi.


A. Grumpus ! ! ! said...

I'm pretty certain that at an average Yankee home game we could raise enough cash to issue a "fatwa" on David Ortiz's cup--first Yankee pitcher to hit Papi's steroid challenged package gets $50 K. That's a dollar a fan, more or less, at an average home game and I'd be happy to donate 2 or 3 times--like any real Yankee fan. Even A.J.'s miserable soul could be redeemed with one well-aimed pitch to the shriveled goo-nads. Think it over, wags, it's high time this gloater gets one in the stugots.

With hostility,

Jose Canseco said...

hope that Big Papi's HGH stash is stolen

Joe De Pastry said...

Give Scott Proctor a standing ovation in your living room, knowing millions of other Yankee fans are also doing so, when he returns from the grave Torre dug for him and enters the game with the Yankees trailing 8-1 in the 6th inning.